Janet Christie's Mum’s the word – why ‘the ick’ gives me the scunner

Mum's the Word. What's wrong with turtle/polo necks? Pic: Adobe Stock

“I’m sick of people talking about ‘the ick’,” says Youngest Child. “About what puts them off people they fancy.”

Fancy? At last a dating term I understand and think I know what’s involved, unlike ‘hanging out’, ‘hooking up’, ‘seeing’, ‘grafting’, ‘talking to’, ‘being with’, all of which leave me mystified as to the levels of intimacy and behaviours involved.

“Oh?” I say, sticking to firm ground and not saying ‘the ick’ is a stupid term anyway. What’s wrong with ‘the scunner’?

“Like what sort of things give them ‘the ick’?” I say. “Having a record for crimes of violence or sex offences, having another family they’ve not mentioned, fraud, pathological lying, extreme ghosting and hostility?”

“God, mother, what’s wrong with you?” she says. “Your bar is WAY too low. It’s little things.”

“OK, how about very loud sniffing and swallowing it,” I say, “or I know, chewing a crunchy apple next to you when you’re trying to read,” even though I can’t say these have ever registered with me and I’m clutching at straws. Clutching at straws? I do that all the time. That’s sure to be someone’s ick.

“It’s things like if somebody’s running after a ball and their hands are trying to catch it on the ground and they keep missing,” she says.

“Nope. Can’t see it, unless they’re a goalie for your team. Otherwise I’d probably admire their never-give-up spirit of tenacity.”

“Ok, someone was saying if they saw someone they fancied running for the bus that would give them ‘the ick’.”

“Why? Surely running for a bus is good because it means they’re capable? I’m always impressed by that. It means they’re reasonably fit.”

Again, my bar may be too low.

“I don’t think I have any,” I say.

“Well it’s stupid things no-one should care about,” she says. “Ridiculous. Excuses instead of just saying you don’t fancy them. Apart from turtle necks of course, that’s the only thing I COULD NOT put up with.”

“Turtle necks?”

“Those jumpers with a very long neck,” she shudders. “No-one looks good in a turtle neck. ‘Specially with a beard.”

“That’s a polo neck.”

“No, it’s a turtle neck.”

“Polo.”

“Turtle.”

“Turtle is US, Polo is British English,” she says, consulting her phone. “So, turtle neck.”

“Americanisms! I say. That would definitely give me the… scunner.” ‘Cos even saying ‘the ick’ gives me the ick.