Janet Christie's Mum's the Word - Not everyone appreciates positive thinking

Mum's the Word. Pic: michaeljung - stock.adobe.com

I’ve vowed to think positive. I’m driving Youngest Child to her driving theory test and she’s nervous, asking me random questions from a practice app as we go, few of which I can answer correctly which is a bit of a worry. But she knows the answers. She couldn’t be any better prepared.

“Now, we’re only thinking positive this time,” I say, “so I’m not even going to say that it’s 50/50 thing and how I’m proud of you whatever happens, because you’re definitely going to pass this time.

“Let’s not jinx it,” she says.

“No, I’m just saying let’s do an experiment where we don’t allow even reasonable doubt or statistics to come into it. Let’s just be entirely positive.

“Hmmm.”

So shall we go for cocktails again after, like we did last time when you didn’t… oops, I mean where shall we go after?”

“Mutter, mutter, stopping distance, blah, blah,” she continues, focused, ignoring me.

“Because my friend,” I continue, “who’s passed every exam or test she’s ever sat, says only learn the correct answers, don’t even let the negatives in.”

“Yes, you’ve told me. But can you stop please, because you’re going to jinx it,” she says.

“No such thing as jinxing. There are only opportunities, chances to learn and increase resilience and perseverance. It’s always a win. What mocktail shall I have?”

“Dunno. We’re a bit early, but I’ll just go in, wait in there.”

i.e. away from her annoying mother who is blethering on about positive thinking as if she’s had a lobotomy.

“Why don’t you practise your Spanish app while you wait,” she says. “Only learn the correct answers, see how you get on.”

A low blow. She means the app sending me passive aggressive emails, as Middle Child warned me it would, because I’m way behind.

“OK I will, although I don’t find their tone very positive. Good luck! Except you won’t need it because…”

Slam, and she’s gone. I dodge the Spanish and listen to some bangers while I wait. She’s so well prepared, we’re early, it’s all looking good.

Too soon she’s back, thunder faced. “I messed up. Misread the time. We’re an hour late. And the centre’s closing so I can’t do it today.”

“See? You didn’t fail. Told you you wouldn’t. That’s the power of thinking positive.”

“Please, can you just stop talking and drive.”