Janet Christie's Mum's the Word - Gilets, playsuits and what exactly is a situationship?

It’s autumn and the most stylish member of our family has declared a Changing of the Wardrobe

Mum's the Word. Pic: J Christie

“So I opted for the longline gilet with a jumper but it’s not working for me today. I’m cold,” announces Youngest Child by way of hello, down the phone from outandabout.

She often phones me when she’s en route to somewhere to pass the time. Right now she’s walking to a station to get the train home and will be seeing me shortly, but I like the stream of consciousness chat, and listen as I’m enroute myself to feed a friend’s cat, crunching orange leaves spread underfoot like a carpet strewn with crisps after a teenage sleepover.

I’ve been ignoring the change in weather because I’m clinging to summer but Youngest’s announcement means it’s official. We’re about to undergo a new season and the most stylish member of our family has declared a Changing of the Wardrobe.

By tonight gone will be the playsuits, bucket hats, crop tops and bikinis, all stashed away until spring, which is a big shame because her latest playsuit - baby blue with a shark’s head hood, complete with giant teeth, and a big fin sticking out the middle of the back - has only just arrived.

“Cold? I guess I won’t be borrowing that shark playsuit till next year then?” I say.

Out will come her Autumn/Winter looks and outfits, which is good because she’s left the teenage No-Big-Coat-Ever years behind her and my favourite down Arctic-proof puffer jacket (her’s) will be out on the hall coat rack again, ready to be borrowed. (Well, I bought it for her. I’d never spend that much on a coat for me.)

“So guess what,” she continues, “drama. These two people I know are in a situationship and…”

“Wait a minute, rewind. Gilets. I’ve always said they were useless because what’s the point of a coat without sleeves and you said if you keep your core warm…”

“Yeah, yeah, you were right, gilets are rubbish, but nobody cares. So anyway these two are in a situationship and…”

“Again, rewind. What’s a situationship?”

“Sigh. What it says. Don’t you call it that?”

“Er no. Call what that? Is it a relationship?”

“Obviously not.”

“So what is it? I mean… so... are they having a physical relationship?”

“Again, nobody cares about that. You always ask that. It’s what it says, a situationship. And rewind, that’s not a playsuit, how could that be a playsuit? That’s my Halloween outfit. Obviously. It’s autumn.”

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