Janet Christie: My Week - it's never too late to say Happy Mother's Day/Easter/Birthday

With Youngest Child abroad, it all falls apart

Janet Christie: My Week. Johnny Cash at Glastonbury, 1994. Pic: Martyn Goodacre/Getty Images

Youngest Child is in France and suffering from homesickness.

“France is OK, but I miss being there with you all, sniff,” she says on a video call.

“Well, it’s the same old here, nothing much happening… the weather’s rubbish and…”

“Have the boys given you your Mother’s Day card yet?” she says.

“No, but it’s only been…”

“A month!”

“Well they’re busy and…”

“Useless! I got the card sorted well in advance and sent it to them and ALL they had to do was sign it and deliver it.”

“They’ve not really had a chance,” I say.

“They’ve had loads of chances! When did you see them?” she says.

“Well, there was Middle’s Birthday when we went to the pub and to a blues band…

“See!”

“And we were at the pub to watch Eldest play… that was actually on Mother’s Day and he dedicated Folsom Prison Blues to me - I love a bit of Johnny Cash, but I’m not sure what he was trying to say - anyway everyone clapped and wished me Happy Mother’s Day.

“But no card…” she says, sticking to the point, like a dog with a bone.

“Er no. Oh and Middle and I saw Eldest the other night playing another gig in a pub, which was fun, then Easter Sunday he and his partner made a meal for us all and…

“Was there an Easter Egg hunt?” she says.

“Well, I took eggs but we were too busy eating…oh and Eldest was showing us the hat he’s got for that Nigerian wedding they’re going to cos he’s one of the bride’s party and has been given an outfit to wear - fabulous embroidery you’d like it and…”

“Did you take a picture?”

“No, forgot…”

“Aw. Well I would have done the clues for the hunt. I have last year’s here in my parka pocket because I kept them for this year. Sniff.”

“Yes, we missed you. We say that all the time.”

“But still no card.” she says. “Well you’ll have to go round to their flats and demand it. It’s your birthday soon and that’ll mean another card situation. They’re stacking up! It all falls apart when I’m not there,” she says.

“True. And I’m really excited to see my Mother’s Day card now. All the build up...”

“Oh no, don’t be. You probably won’t like it. It’s a bit…”

“A bit what?”

“Nothing.”

Now I REALLY want to see it. I demand to see it.

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