I've seen real-world Adolescence families. Here's what it's like

Parenting teenagers can be a nightmare full of anxiety and heartbreak, but most young people will grow out of their problems

It’s down to the lottery of birth which family you find yourself in. I wonder how many of us reflect on our families, regardless of their imperfections and make-up, and think how lucky we have been. Regardless of the shape or size, no family is perfect. No matter how picture-perfect they seem from the outside, there are always secrets and tricky dynamics.

When it really matters is when things go wrong: illness, crisis or just needing someone to step up on your behalf. Then, when your family moves in to support, defend and protect, all the usual niggles fade into the background.

For those who watched Adolescence on Netflix, it was less about the crime of the young person, and more about the impact and dynamic of a family and how it copes in the face of the unimaginable. How do you square the love you have for someone with the acknowledgement of the hurt that they have caused?

Owen Cooper as Jamie Miller in Netflix drama Adolescence | Netflix

A brief hug, a force of nature

I watched a young person at court recently. Their journey had been difficult and challenging and they’d caused harm through crimes involving theft. As they exited court, I saw their mum – occupying a small space, there for her son, despite all the chaos that had gone on in both their lives. They exchanged a brief hug, a touch on the arm – together through thick and thin.

I recently met another mum going full ‘tiger’, urging others to help her son, who was on the fringes of danger. She was a force of nature, acknowledging the behaviour of her child and yet speaking out to urge services to do their job, to go above and beyond, to save her child and others like them.

I have seen so many parents, aunts and uncles at the heart of change. Decades ago, Mothers Against Drugs were driving change in Glasgow for their children caught up in addiction. To see parents advocate is awe-inspiring. They don’t care about our pleas of processes or waiting lists, they insist that the child is at the heart of our decision-making.

Some have absolutely no one

Yet I see people in the justice system who have absolutely no one – or if they are younger, only professionals to fill that space in their lives. If they’re lucky, the professional is able to do as much as those dedicated parents, but so many are overworked, time-poor and can only do so much. Which can leave that individual’s life to spiral out of control.

Parenting can appear most complicated when caring for young babies, but it’s a cakewalk compared to dealing with teenagers. And when teenagers come into conflict with the law, the anxiety and heartbreak are magnified.

It’s cold comfort when you’re in the maelstrom to know that most young people come through it. Working through risk-taking is part of growing up and turning into adults – and ageing their parents preternaturally can be part of the process.

Parenting teenagers always makes me think of the Apollo 11 space mission, where the spacecraft flew behind the moon and went dark until it emerged and made contact once more. We just need to keep reaching our arms out into the darkness, hoping that they come back into contact once more, ready to be steered safely back home.

Karyn McCluskey is chief executive of Community Justice Scotland