In a froth over sharing - with flats hard to find, it’s time to milk the home comforts - Janet Christie's Mum's the Word

With flats hard to find, it’s time to milk the home comforts

Mum's the Word

If you’ve tried to rent a flat recently you’ll know it’s easier to find a carton of grapefruit juice in the supermarket (first world problem, but I like it - yup, tart and bitter, and my sweet-toothed family don’t. It’s that kind of thinking that saw me wean myself off milk so my day isn’t ‘ruined’ by the lack of a latte, cappuccino or hot chocolate, all of which require copious amounts of the frothy white stuff. It’s a slow process, but I’m hoping the eventual outcome is the ‘homies’ who drink milk will remember to buy some. Eventually).

If it sounds like I’ve reverted to internecine house-sharing habits of family life it’s because I have, the result of Middle Child moving back in, taking up residence on the sofa.

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With the rental market squeezed by Airbnbs and apocryphal tales of wealthier students and metropolitan relocators in a work-anywhere-world able to afford double deposits, if you even manage to secure a viewing you’re Charlie Bucket lucky. Get to handover cash? You’ve probably been scammed.

So he’s back. And I’m delighted because I’d be happy to have all of my progeny living with me for ever. I know, not normal, but I like them.

Also, I have my own room so I can leave them sprawled among cushions and snacks as they devour yet another box set.

Me: “Another episode? It’s Monday night!”

Them: “So?”

“Sorry Mum, did we wake you up, arguing last night?” says Youngest one morning (late afternoon my time).

“No.” (But I’ve trained myself to zone out).

“Well, I’ll tell you now. Sooo annoying. He said my views weren’t real because I get my information off the internet and I said where do YOU get your information then.... online too!… patronising… SO annoying… Gogglebox… Brassic... funny… not SAYING everything on the internet true... doesn’t mean my opinion WRONG, or his RIGHT… his ARGUMENT is wrong... just doesn’t... MUM! MUM!!”

“I’m listening. That’s SO annoying. Never mind, I bought a milk frother.”

“Oooh. Hot Chocolate!” she squeaks.

“Yes. It’s Middle’s Christmas present but he hates Christmas, so I gave him it early. Anyway, he’s gone to Other Parent’s for a couple of weeks.”

“Aw. Without saying goodbye TO ME?! I miss him. Aw... Did he take the frother?”

“It’s OK, he’ll be back soon and I’ll get another frother – they’re on special - while I’m out buying milk.”

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