I'm property hunting, and you can buy an Edinburgh hovel for the same price as a Glasgow palace

Glasgow Tenement Apartments On a Leafy Street | ystewarthenderson - stock.adobe.com

I’ve opened a property-related Pandora’s box.

After a couple of years of failed house-hunting in Edinburgh and about five rejected offers, I decided to take a look at what Glasgow has on sale.

Just a cheeky wee peep at Rightmove couldn’t hurt.

Not that I can really move cities right now. My elderly mum lives in the Capital, as do my sister and her kids.

The Scotsman’s headquarters is here and so is my husband’s office. There are all my beloved restaurants and cafes. I’m an Edinburgh Leisure member, for goodness sake.

I’ve been here practically my whole life. This native is deeply rooted, like one of the Meadows cherry blossoms, and my petals might shed prematurely if I get moved at this stage.

But the temptation is there now. I KNEW I shouldn’t have looked.

As we’ve been slowly squeezed out of the ridiculously overheated market, all our mortgage will get us in Edinburgh is a tumbledown dump on the fringes of the city.

Compare that to what’s available on the west coast. The flats on offer in Glasgow are byoo-ti-ful. It is property porn. Still expensive, yes, but a whole heap cheaper than where we’re currently looking.

Also, unlike Edinburgh, it seems that places don’t sell overnight, with a line up of 48 bidders who are willing to pay 30 per cent over the asking price.

You get so much more floor space, and then there are the gorgeous red sandstone west end buildings, with swoony Arts and Crafts details.

Yes, Edinburgh is lovely, but Glasgow is sexier.

The biggest appeal goes beyond the curb, and is probably down to all the pristine interiors. I don’t want to generalise, but I’m going to do it anyway. We don’t bother with the inside of our homes in the Capital.

Well, I don’t. The last time we gave our place a lick of paint was when we moved in. All our furniture has been bought on a budget or passed down. The floorboards are scratched and the skirting is scuffed. I like to describe the look as ‘Bohemian’.

Our household is not unique, as this organic approach to decor is the same for most of my friends. I think the contrast between cities may be partially because Glaswegians often seem more likely to invite friends over. In Edinburgh, we’re colder fish. I’m the hostess with the leastess. I have family over to my house at Christmas, and that’s their lot. No pals pass my threshold. Only besties have seen past my porch and into the antisocial refuge for staunch introverts.

I’m not inviting anyone in, and not just because they might be vampires.

It may be a cliche, but in my experience, Glasgow folk are much more social. They entertain, and spend money on doing so. Their homes reflect that.

I have lived in that city once, for about a year back in the early Noughties, and there were plenty of house parties and drinkies at pals’ homes. Any excuse for ‘all back to mine’. That might be because I was twenty-something at the time, but I think it could be more than that.

If having guests over happened habitually, I’m sure Edinburgers might raise their decor game.

In Glasgow, there are flats on the market that boast curated artworks, drinks cabinets, reading areas, palatial decor, tasteful Farrow & Ball paintjobs, and curios on mantelpieces that aren’t just a clutter of unframed photographs, half-spent candles, and random holiday souvenirs.

Over there, you’ll find kitchens that could be the set for a series of Nigella at Home. I am so envious of all the cooking islands. Maroon me!

I have seen flats with actual four-poster beds, and design classics, like Eames or Wegner chairs, scattered insouciantly around the living room.

That’s in stark contrast to our ten year old Ikea sofa, which was once elephant grey, but is now the colour of a mummified mole.

At every Edinburgh property we’ve viewed, they’ve had equally saggy ones.

Then there are the Glaswegian wet rooms and rolltop baths!

If I had facilities like that, I might even wash more than once a fortnight. I’d even scrub behind my ears and polish my sepia-hued oxters.

In contrast, I have viewed many properties in Edinburgh where they’re still making do with avocado suites. At one viewing, they proudly showed us the Nineties bidet, as if it was a cutting edge mod-con.

It seems that people are willing to spend plenty of cash on their homes in Glasgow.

I am practically salivating when I scroll through any property pictures. It’s like looking at a glossy copy of Elle Decoration. They’re selling a lifestyle. If I had a place like that, I would be inviting friends round willy-nilly. I mean, I wouldn’t have any pals, because I’d be in a new city, but I’d pay their train fares so I could show off my home.

Anyway, I looked just once, and it was a terrible mistake, because now I’m back to scrolling through Edinburgh’s offerings again and my expectations are off-kilter.

The properties in our price range are mainly in the serial-killer-lair-vibe bracket.

I’m surprised there hasn’t been a mass exodus along the M8, though I do know a few people who have given up on buying in Edinburgh, and jumped ship to the other city.

Lucky ducks. I want a kitchen island. I want a wet room.

But, if I stay in the Capital, I’ll have to accept my Nineties bidet budget.