I don't think my elderly mum would've survived, if it wasn't for the Peebles delivery driver

Sainsbury's delivery van | William - stock.adobe.com

This Mother’s Day, let me tell you about my 89-year-old mum, who is like a cat.

She enjoys napping in the sunshine, and she’s had nine lives. There was battling sepsis, two types of cancer, diabetes, and other health conditions.

She’s pulled through them all, with the total stoicism of someone from the silent generation.

Then there was the time that she fell in the back garden, at her old house. At that point, my dad was long gone, and she was living alone, near Peebles, and about an hour’s drive away from her daughters.

She was walking on the lawn, sans stick, and tripped. The soft grass broke her fall, but she wasn’t wearing her personal alarm, and couldn’t get back up. She could have easily been there all night, without anyone knowing.

Thankfully, her Sainsbury's delivery was due. When she heard the driver pulling up, she shouted, and he came to her aid. Best of all, this knight in shining armour was a doppelganger of one of her celebrity crushes - television presenter, Rylan Clark. I Tweeted - it was pre-X - about this incident, shortly after it happened. Rylan himself replied, to say he hoped she was okay, or something along those lines. That gave her a thrill.

These days, she’s living in the Capital, and has a couple of carers who check in on her daily. We visit regularly, too. But I think it’s the shopping delivery that she most anticipates.

Yes, they don’t need to rescue her from the garden every week, but having a fresh batch of messages is one of her pleasures.

As she is a technophobe, who still can’t send a text message and thinks Netflix is a synonym for basketball, I do the honours.

It’s one of my favourite chores, and, like any seasoned personal shopper, I know her exact preferences.

Her amanuensis phones her every Wednesday morning.

There are staple orders. As her mobility is limited, she prefers easy things, like cooked meat and snacky stuff.

Her main addiction is blueberries. She gets through five 500g packs a week. Those usually last two or three days.

She is a senior Violet Beauregarde and has become something of a gourmand when it comes to this fruit.

Apparently, the best are from Morocco, as they’re the crispest. She has asked me to specifically order these Moroccan blueberries, but I have explained that online shopping doesn't give you the option to choose a country of origin.

My sister lives nearby and often sees the same delivery driver. They have discussed my mum’s obsession. I think he was pretty impressed.

Sometimes she talks about weaning herself off, but it’s good to have a healthy addiction. It’s not like she’s ordering fags, crack or whisky.

We used to nag her about eating too much butter and salt, but, now that she’s 89, we lay off.

Thankfully, she also has cravings for pomegranate seeds, grapes, mange tout and tomato juice.

The shopping list also often includes large jars of Marmite, since she has it thickly spread on sourdough toast for her breakfast every morning. Occasionally, she’ll get bored and decide to try granola, Grape-Nuts or porridge. They never go down well, so the secondhand cereals are passed onto me or my sister, and she reverts back to the classic yeasty spread.

Anyway, she has some good material, when it comes to food, if anyone is ever interested in her secrets to long life.

They’re not all healthy, there are naughty things, too. She has proven the ‘little of what you fancy’ theory.

As well as a recent yen for Magnum ice-creams, Maltesers tend to go on and off her wishlist, as do Jelly Babies, and those jumbo bars of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut.

She’ll have the occasional Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer, and sometimes a scone, with a large dollop of clotted cream on the side.

Mum is a sucker for any new-fangled thing that’s on a television advert. Thanks to those, she recently ended up with two bottles of the new Heinz Tomato Sauce in Pickle and Smoky Bacon flavours. Of course, she’s never touched them. Just as well, they sound absolutely revolting.

Also, she is currently enjoying a weekly fillet steak. I’ve encouraged this luxurious addiction, to keep her iron levels up.

She has it with spinach or tomato, because she’s never been that keen on potatoes, which is strange, as she has a tattie-obsessed offspring.

Maybe that’s her secret to longevity. No chips. I hope not, or I’m doomed.

I feel she may have developed an extra strong constitution, thanks to her general disregard for best before dates. When I visit her house, I need to do a fridge cull while wearing a hazmat suit.

These days, her appetite is slightly diminished, so she orders a lot of soup for light lunches. She loves parsnip or Cullen skink, but nothing spicy. Sometimes, she’ll stock up on powdered Cup ‘a’ Soups, or the fresh ones, though she struggles with the plastic containers. Even I find those lids tricky. You need thumbs of steel.

There have been a few occasions when an item isn’t in stock and she’ll get a random replacement. That doesn’t go down well, and I usually get the blame.

For example, she asked me to order her own 89th birthday cake, and they sent her a football-themed one.

We ate it anyway, and it wasn’t bad.

And, of course, she washed her slice down with a handful of Moroccan blueberries.