Hugh Reilly: Slap on the wrist for boy racers

The ideal stall occurs at the front of a queue of standing traffic. Picture: PA

THE Highway Code has always been something of an enigma to me. For example, when driving along the inside lane of a motorway, I often find myself on the beeping horn of a dilemma when closing in on a car in the middle lane, controlled by an idiot who mistakenly believes the inner lane is solely for slow-moving lorries.

Should I do the right thing and veer across three lanes before returning to my original starting point or should I simply undertake the aforementioned idiot? I confess to doing the latter out of sheer frustration and, yes, by doing so, I make myself a member of the idiot driver demographic. It matters not a jot that, when I come alongside central lane hogs, I toss my most intimidating glare. In my experience, they appear to be operating on auto-pilot, males staring straight ahead like Manchurian candidates on their way to an urgent assassination and females spookily resembling Stepford wives contemplating what to rustle up for hubby’s dinner.

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Police Scotland intend to change such bad driving habits by pulling motorists over and issuing warnings, rather than resorting to a traditional prosecution or disbursing of a fixed-penalty punishment. This kid-glove “stop and scold” policy is doomed to succeed as it enjoys the support of motoring organisations and reckless drivers whose vehicle handling skills would not be tolerated on a dodgem track.

The notion that police can re-educate those who create danger on our roads is risible. A polite but firm admonition by a police officer to a boy racer will be forgotten by the time he roars up to the next traffic lights. The clown who only decides to indicate that he is turning right once a sizeable queue of cars has built up behind him will continue to do so.

Our driving skills evolve with age. Speed is important when one has recently passed the test and wishes to impress friends and the opposite sex. Around one in five youngsters is statistically likely to have an accident within six months of receiving a licence. As a consequence of either inexperience or over-confidence, kids are more likely to stall the car.

I’ve been a reluctant passenger in cars driven by my sons and puffed out my cheeks to blowfish proportions on occasions when they have expertly performed The Great Leap Forward. Of course, the perfect stall involves being at the head of a single lane at traffic lights, the temporary jam made that bit more permanent when the frantic effort of the new driver to re-ignite the engine only succeeds in flooding it.

As we grow older, we tend to take greater cognisance of the fact that speed limits are compulsory, not advisory. But we develop unwanted bad habits such as forgetting to switch off indicators, creating the so-called “eventual left-turn manoeuvre” that causes much confusion in the minds of other road users.

Dawdling down streets with hearing aids set on “silent” mode, pensioners drive others to distraction, becoming a topic of animated conversation for motorists on mobile phones.

No matter the age, most drivers seem to be befuddled as to how a roundabout should be negotiated. Drivers of a nervous disposition, wary of taking a wrong exit, opt for the circumnavigation approach, spiralling their escape route out of this fiendish whirlpool of road engineering. By way of stark contrast, hot-rod daredevils hurtle round the inner loop before suddenly flying off as if propelled by a fierce centrifugal force.

Like many self-certified infallible motorists, I endeavour to shape the driving behaviour of those less gifted by way of ensuring they discover the error of their ways. It comforts me that I have made a modest contribution to recalibrating the minds of wayward motorists. Take, for example, the apparently blissfully unaware driver who continues to make rapid forward progress in a carriageway lane that is clearly tapering to an end due to ongoing roadworks. As he passes the fuming tail of stationary vehicles, the queue-jumper supposes that a haughty flick of his indicator switch is a moral command for the pleb driver of a Fiat Punto to yield and let him in. Should the forelock-tugging Fiat driver give way, his obsequiousness is the catalyst for a bout of collective groaning from those stuck in the hold-up. That’s why I adopt the Ils ne passeront pas! mantra when confronted with this situation. Admittedly, it’s a tad awkward to flagrantly ignore the doe-eyed beseeching from the man inside the glass bubble at your side but the fear of the immobile mob of motorists labelling you a wimp grossly outweighs any good samaritan tendencies.

Rather than a softly, softly approach to bad driving, I’d like to see Police Scotland come down hard on motorists who put themselves and others at risk. Until recently, the M77 was the locus of many horrific fatal accidents. The installation of average speed cameras – the “yellow vultures” in common parlance – has deterred those who previously treated the motorway as a de facto Formula One venue. Likewise, I’m certain that the annual flesh and metal carnage associated with the A9 will be somewhat diminished with the presence of average speed cameras. I would, however, agree that HGVs should be permitted to travel at 50mph on this vital artery to the north.

I’d ditch fines for road traffic offences and replace them with penalty points on a licence. A monetary sanction is irksome but is not sufficient to alter a person’s mode of driving. In my view, an accumulation of points that leads to banned drivers having to seek out FirstBus ticket deals would concentrate even the most dilatory of minds.

Around 200 people are killed in vehicle collisions each year and society needs to show its rage at those who cavalierly misuse our roads, not give wrongdoers a stern ticking off. Police Scotland is putting us on the highway to hell.