Here's to the Scottish Women of the Year, from JK Rowling to heroic healthcare staff

Susan Dalgety says JK Rowling deserves to win the Morag for Warrior Queen for her contributions to the heated debate about whether a trans woman is a woman

There is nothing left to do but lie back, glass of cheap red wine or cup of fine tea in hand, and watch a screen…for the next three months.

Those clever scientists may have come up with not one, but several, variations of a Covid vaccine, but coronavirus is not going to go quietly. He is determined to infect everyone before spring, even if it means mutating into a two-headed viral monster and stalking us all down. Lockdown Three has just been released, to terrible reviews.

So what to do in a bleak mid-winter when the most exciting thing likely to happen on any day is the Amazon delivery man leaving a box of delights (hair dye) on the doorstep?

Hold an awards ceremony in my sitting room, of course. Scottish Women of the Year to be precise. Not quite the Oscars, more the Morags, and it will be virtual, like everything else this year.

No need to dress up to attend, tatty Primark PJs will suffice. And there will be no cash prizes, not even a plastic gong, as I have spent all my money on Crémant. But think of the honour darlings, if you win one of my Scottish Women of the Year accolades.

First up for an award has to be Nicola Sturgeon. She dominates our every waking moment, controlling every aspect of our lives, from what shops we can visit (Lidl, but not H&M) to when we go out for a daily walk – during her lunchtime press briefings usually.

She tells us what to read – Shuggie Bain and Rebecca this year – has singlehandedly revived the colour block dress suit, and never seems to rest. She is typical of so many middle-aged Scottish women, holding down a challenging job while keeping a gaggle of errant teenagers (us) in line and propping up a grumpy, balding husband.

We may not agree with everything she has to say – in my case, with very little – but compared to the shambling idiot who masquerades as Prime Minister, Sturgeon’s leadership during the pandemic has been almost flawless, in a very tight-lipped Scottish sort of a way. Just don’t mention Alex Salmond. Or masks.

My second contender for a Morag is 94-year-old Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor. This delightful pensioner has been pretty quiet this year, spending lockdown in one of her many castles with husband Philip and a few hundred staff, but her occasional appearances, such as yesterday’s Christmas message, are reassuringly familiar.

Just the sight of her granny perm, her brooch glinting in her LED ring light (yes, even the Queen does FaceTime) is enough to calm a hysterical nation. Thank you ma’am.

The Morag for Warrior Queen of the Year goes to JK Rowling, who I know will accept it on behalf of every 50-something feminist who has spent 2020 trying to explain the issue to her bemused family.

The sometimes-heated debate about whether a trans woman is a woman has dominated certain sections of social media this year, even reaching Holyrood earlier this month when another warrior queen, Johann Lamont, had to remind MSPs about the birds and the bees.

My column has not been immune either, with far too much of my time spent arguing with those who think it is okay to call a woman a “person with a cervix”. JK Rowling said all that needs to be said in an eloquent essay that appeared on her website in June. It’s well worth a read.

But while Nicola Sturgeon, Mrs Windsor and JK Rowling are all worthy contenders for the title Scottish Women of the Year, the real winners are women you have never heard of, but meet every day, or would if we are allowed to mingle.

The 60-year-old shop assistant who keeps our supermarket shelves stocked with toilet roll and lettuce while nursing her varicose veins and dreaming of a bubble bath.

The 40-something nurse who tenderly holds the hand of a Covid patient as they die, isolated in a hospital ward.

The primary school teacher who teaches a classroom of nine-year-olds basic algebra, while making sure they have washed their hands.

The young care worker who wipes our grandad’s bum carefully while listening to his stories of a misspent youth.

The single-parent mum on universal credit who opens her kitchen cupboard doors, and closes them again quickly, too scared to contemplate the almost bare shelves.

The office worker juggling pointless but essential Zoom meetings with childcare and home schooling.

The elderly woman who has spent the last nine months alone with only the BBC for companionship, but never complains.

These women are the backbone of Scotland. They are not on our TV screens every day, or even once a year. They don’t own several large houses, or have millions to give away. And their children – and grandchildren – will not inherit much, definitely not privilege.

But these are the women we all depend on, more so this year than ever before. They care for our elderly, bring up the next generation, provide the essential services we all take for granted.

Many work for less than a living wage – women account for the majority of low-paid workers in Scotland. All are heroes.

So, let’s raise a glass – or cup – to the Women of Scotland. “Here’s tae them; wha’s like them? Damn few – and they’re a’ deid.”

Here's to the Scottish Women of the Year, from JK Rowling to heroic healthcare staff - Susan Dalgety

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