Drumlanrig: Why Celtic fans tore strip off Jim Murphy

There was a sequel to the incident. The picture of the Rangers-clad Murphy appeared in the papers. A couple of weeks later he was queuing outside the Celtic Park turnstiles where he was harangued by a group of Celtic fans, who were screaming all sorts of abuse.

Super sleuth: Alex Salmond. Picture: Stuart Cobley

As one of Celtic’s best known supporters, he couldn’t understand why.

Murphy turned round and shrugged his shoulders. Whereupon, one angry fan shouted: “See you Murphy! Was that you wearing a Rangers top in the paper the other day? You’re a bloody disgrace.

“Why can’t you be like other politicians and commit a decent crime like fiddling your expenses?”

Poor substitute for party head’s winning image

Today’s Sports Section has a wonderful picture of that ardent Celtic fan Jim Murphy wearing – of all things – a Rangers top.

At a recent political event, the Scottish Labour leader explained he had been made to wear the Ibrox club’s strip for a charity match – playing for a team of MSPs and MPs – and had scored a heroic goal.

After the match the snappers tried to get Murphy and the team mate, who crossed the ball, to recreate the goal for the cameras. Eventually it was getting dark and after numerous attempts to replicate his wonderful header, Murphy was told that it might be easier to forget the ball.

That’s why the picture would be no good for a spot the ball competition. There’s nae ba’.

Salmond turns detective in Poirot BuzzFeed inquiry

Alex Salmond has described, in a BuzzFeed interview, his fascination with the person who tweets under the pseudonym “Angry Salmond” . (Satirical posts included the post referendum classic: “For, the record, I never lost. I simply repositioned the location of victory.”)

Suspicious that it was a member of his backroom team, Salmond used a staff reunion to try to find the culprit. “I’ve done a bit of a Hercule Poirot on this,” Salmond told BuzzFeed.

“I looked at them very carefully to see who was doing suspicious things in their pocket. It was like Shot in the Dark, trying to find out who did it with the candlestick in the library – but everyone I suspect has convincingly denied it.”

Labour rose shows fragrant disregard for her leaders

JOURNALISTS who travelled through the ice and snow to be with Ed Miliband in the East End of Glasgow last week were given a wonderful welcome.

Miliband had organised a press conference at the Queenslie Training Centre where a mouth-watering array of sandwiches, chocolate fancies and cups of coffee were on offer to the hacks. Also on the menu were bacon rolls, which to the photographers’ disappointment Miliband declined to tackle.

Meanwhile the shadow Scottish Secretary Margaret Curran, who was seated between Miliband and Jim Murphy, nearly got herself into trouble when she described herself as “a rose between two … err … very pleasant gentlemen”.