Drumlanrig: Scottish Parliament does Fast Show

NOBODY could mistake the glacial goings-on in the Scottish Parliament for the BBC comedy sketch-show The Fast Show.
Liz Smith. Picture: ContributedLiz Smith. Picture: Contributed
Liz Smith. Picture: Contributed

But that’s what Labour’s Hugh Henry appeared to do during a debate on what currency would be used in an independent Scotland.

Henry suggested that there were members of the SNP Cabinet who disagreed with Alex Salmond’s plans to keep the pound. There were, Henry said, SNP members and ministers who thought an independent Scotland should have its own currency.

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That elicited the quite brilliant reply of “rubbish” from Paul Wheelhouse, the minister for environment and climate change. “‘Rubbish’ says Paul Whitehouse,” retorted Henry, confusing the minister with one half of Smashie and Nicey.

Kidd is the soppiest in Dearest Scotland debate

THERE were unusually emotional scenes at Holyrood last week when various MSPs declared their love for Scotland. These declarations were made in a members’ debate recognising “Dearest Scotland”, a crowd-sourcing project encouraging the public to put their vision for the future of Scotland in writing.

The soppiest contribution to the session was from Bill Kidd, the MSP for Glasgow Anniesland who called the debate. “Scotland? It is everywhere I have ever been, wrapped up in one,” began Kidd’s love letter. “Aye, we have our problems and our heartaches. We are very far from perfect. However, our hopes and aspirations are blue sky. We hope for the best for this country – we all do. We should all bear [that] in mind. Dearest Scotland, you are the one for me.”

How touching.

McGrigor has bee under his bonnet for butterflies

SIR Jamie McGrigor underlined his reputation as Holyrood’s foremost expert in the birds and the bees. In a debate, marking the crucial role played by pollinators, McGrigor told members that the birds and the bees “are the things that keep our humanity and our world going”.

In much the same way that Gussie Fink-Nottle was an enthusiast for newts, McGrigor then revealed his keen interest in “marsh fritillary butterfly”. The Tory MSP was proud to declare that he was a species champion for the endangered beastie, expressing deep concern for the loss of its natural habitat.

A worthy cause, but perhaps not as much fun as the birds and bees.

Liz likely to bale ahead of Flintoff caber tossing

AS ONE would expect of a former Scottish cricketer, Liz Smith of the Conservatives is always on the look out for sporting action. Perhaps that was why she was keen to point out to MSPs that England all-rounder Andrew “Freddie” Flintoff is appearing at the Crieff Highland Games today. The Lancastrian will be wearing a kilt as he tosses the caber. Liz (left) is probably grateful that tossing the caber is not compulsory for former cricketers. Although adept with leather and willow, the Tory – unlike Flintoff – is quite unsuited for the heavy events.