Drumlanrig: Gag but no whip at Tories’ Blue Review

JACKSON Carlaw kicked off the traditional Scottish Conservative “Blue Review” on Friday night of the party’s annual conference this weekend.

Jackson Carlaw MSP. Picture: Phil Wilkinson

Introducing one of the journalists at the review, Sun political editor Andrew Nicoll, and noting his new novel If You’re Reading This I’m Already Dead, Carlaw, right, said: “This is also the title of Ruth’s next autobiography”, declared the deputy leader, in a dig at the his leader’s current troubles. Amid a chorus of “oooohs”, Carlaw added that Davidson had given him permission to use the gag.

No to oppression of Citizen Smart!

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EVIDENCE of a police state? Anti-Tory campaigner Alan “Citizen” Smart pitched up at the conference on Friday afternoon with guitar, amplifier and mic to perform for delegates a rendition of his tuneful new folk song: “Go On Home English Tories Go On Home”. But no sooner had he begun his melody, than (he claims) the police intervened and banged him up in a cell until the conference was wrapping up for the day. Smart declares that he will be making an official complaint. “My guitar, amplifier, microphone stand, and even my Scottish flags were retained by the police as ‘evidence’. Evidence of what? That they exist and work?,” he asked. Drumlanrig feels a campaign is in order: Save the Smart One.

Must be all the political fitba practice

SCOTLAND’S politicians proved formidable opponents in a football game against RAF veterans at Tynecastle recently. Despite the loss of their most ardent fitba player Jim Murphy, out with a rib injury, MPs and MSPs won 3-1. To everyone’s surprise (not least his own) Labour’s Neil Bibby, below, opened the scoring. Apparently Gregg McClymont MP played well, but missed a couple of sitters. Happily, there was no repeat of the brawl that once marred a politicians match against sports journalists when John Park was sent off for a wild tackle on the BBC’s Chick Young.

McLetchie? He didn’t give a flying fish

SIR Jamie McGrigor was on form at the Tory conference telling a story about being asked by David McLetchie to be fisheries spokesman. “This was something I had secretly hoped for,” McGrigor said. “So with great enthusiasm I said, ‘That’s wonderful, does it include inland fisheries and aquaculture and sport fishing?’ He gave me one of his famous stares and said, ‘Jamie, it’s anything with an ‘f’ in front of it. Now f off and do a good job.’”