Drumlanrig

MPs get extended break from it all

Last week’s low-key Queen’s Speech means that MPs are set to see plenty of their constituencies over the coming months. “There’s hardly anything going on,” says one veteran member. A two-week break for Whitsun is followed by a seven-week break in the summer, another five-week break for conference season, and another week in autumn. In total, parliament is due to sit for a mere 19 weeks between now and the end of the year.

Is this all a cunning plot by Prime Minister David Cameron to avoid backbench rebellions, by ensuring they’re never there?

Who will fill Jerry Can Maude’s Cabinet seat?

Speaking of Conservative disunity, Cameron is widely tipped to order a reshuffle, perhaps as early as this week.

The person deemed most likely to have their neck on the block is Francis “Jerry Can” Maude, who may get punished for his indiscretions last month when he single-handedly managed to create panic at every petrol station in the country.

Labour rises to the occasion in east end

First there was the Arab Spring. Then, George Galloway’s Bradford Spring. Now, after Labour’s surprise victory in Glasgow’s local election count, there is talk of another new dawn.

In the east end of the city, former MSP Frank McAveety was among those who managed to beat off the SNP, whose John Mason is the local MSP. This, it is now said by Labour folk, was “the Shettleston Spring”.

Legions of fans go dotty about Nicole

Perhaps a bit more Hollywood than Holyrood – but there was a bit of excitement down at Cockenzie British Legion the other day when Nicole Kidman paid a visit while filming her new movie The Railway Man.

A healthy crowd gathered at the Legion. Apparently, most were women who were a bit disappointed that her co-star Colin Firth failed to turn up.

The Legion regulars thought of inviting her in for a pint and a game of Shove Ha’penny, but didn’t want to risk embarrassing her in case she “didnae hae a ha’penny on her”. Surely a game of dominoes would have done.