Coronavirus: Life in lockdown shouldn’t be too Puritanical – Kevan Christie

An occasional glass of wine may help some cope with the coronavirus lockdown, just don’t go full Pogues or end up where I did a few years ago, writes recovering alcoholic Kevan Christie.

It's a good idea to exercise, with or without the help of fitness gurus like Joe Wicks, but it's okay to drink alcohol to a sensible degree too (Picture: The Body Coach via Getty Images)

Just back from the daily constitutional there folks with 12,000 steps notched up in the journey from Crossgates to Cowdenbeath and back.

I only had to use the pepper spray twice on the two-metre, exclusion zone rule-breakers – it came in handy while the Taser gun was still charging. Result.

There’s much to contemplate on the banana walks as I’m calling them due to the movement you make when a family of four and their nippy wee dug approaches, hogging the pavement.

As someone recovering from an alcohol misuse disorder, 20 months into sobriety my thoughts occasionally turn to my previous life which revolved around the pub.

‘Stinking thinking’ we call this in the addiction trade but I’ve been struggling to shake off the nagging sensation that there’s a party going on somewhere behind my back.

I get these thoughts as I pass an empty boozer and imagine the owner is sitting there with his two best mates, blinds drawn, getting wired into the Tennent’s Lager while watching old comedy programmes on the Dave channel and generally having a whale of a time.

That’s when the fear of missing out (Fomo) kicks in and I almost feel like trying my luck with the secret knock on the door.

Then I’ll catch a faint whiff of wacky baccy passing a block of flats and I just know certain people have found their own way of dealing with things. I’m naturally drawn to this kind of life and have misplaced romantic notions of such things – my very own Low Life column with a sprinkling of Philip Marlowe and his gimlets.

Drinking alone on a wet Tuesday afternoon

Time spent escaping reality and the mundanity of everyday existence had been a constant in my life. Ten years spent operating a VDU for Standard Life can do that to a person.

Hours staring at the bottom of a glass thinking I’m Charles Bukowski, while ordering White Russians and drinking alone on a wet Tuesday afternoon in February.

At some point on my walk, the Pogues song Fiesta seeps into the old subconscious and I indulge myself in thoughts of days gone by and happier times that only ever existed in my head.

‘Come all you rambling boys of pleasure.

And ladies of easy leisure.’

Whenever I hear that tune, I take it as a signal that I’m indulging in dangerous fantasies and either phone my sponsor or read some AA literature in the Big Book. “One day at a time...sweet Jesus.”

Alcohol which is pervasive in society at the best of times appears to have taken on increased significance during the ‘you know what’.

‘Unhelpful coping strategy’

But far be it from me to preach in the style of a New Puritan demanding an end to hard liquor and total abstinence during this grimmest of grim periods.

No dear readers – quite the opposite. For I beseech most of you to ‘take a drink’. In fact I’d go as far to say ‘Go on, go on, go on, go on’ in the style of Mrs Doyle from Father Ted.

OK, I get the World Health Organisation (WHO) and their message that alcohol is an “unhelpful coping strategy” for the stress and isolation a lot of us are feeling at the minute.

Of course using substances to cope “can make things worse” and those of us with abuse issues may face a higher risk of relapse. Check.

But that’s something for us to deal with – hopefully with the continued help and support of the brilliant drug and alcohol services that are vital to our mental health.

The definition of an alcoholic as explained to me and which I fully identify with is basically that every time I drank I had to get drunk so the easy way to avoid doing this and the misery it entails is to stop drinking.

But that doesn’t apply to the majority of people and it’s completely normal to fancy a few bevvies after a day spent indoors with the partner and the kids.

There’s a range of stats out there that shows the average number of people in the UK have been drinking three times as much in the last fortnight with online searches for “wine delivery UK” increasing by 2,250 per cent in the last month. Whopping by anyone’s standards.

Don’t become an alcoholic

I’m minded of the good doctor John Reid, not a real doctor of course but the ex-communist former health secretary who ended up becoming chairman of The Celtic Football Club, as you do.

Reid famously told the nation in 2004 when he was health secretary that smoking is one of the few pleasures left for the poor on sink estates and in working men’s clubs.

He was sick of the chattering classes giving instructions to the poor and answered them back by saying: “What enjoyment does a 21-year-old single mother of three living in a council sink estate get? The only enjoyment sometimes they have is to have a cigarette.” Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Then he went back to being health secretary.

So, today’s lesson folks is don’t beat yourself up if you fancy a bevvy after a hard day’s self-isolation but you don’t have to get completely rat-arsed and you’ll know soon enough if you’ve got a problem.

The long walks, gardening, yoga and meditation is all well and good. But if Joe is getting on your Wicks I suggest a glass or two but keep off Twitter and Facebook.

Stay safe and wash yer hands.