Christmas parties are back. But if you're over 25, there's only one good reason to go – Stephen Jardine

After two years away, Christmas party season is back. For some, this is the moment they have been waiting for, a recognition that the pandemic is over and it’s fine to wear sparkles, devour Prosecco and sing ‘Last Christmas’ in the middle of the street at 3am.

Christmas parties are not for everyone (Picture: Matt Cardy/Getty Images)

For others, it is the time they have been dreading as the excuses to avoid socialising finally run out. Two years ago we had no choice, the government told us to stay at home. This time last year, the fact that you sat next to a bloke on the bus who had a bit of a cough was enough to earn you a party pass. This Christmas there is no escape route and it is time to face the reality of the return of the party.

The truth is, people and parties have a natural sell-by date. Under the age of 21, you are probably there hoping to meet a potential partner. That’s fair enough, in this age of online dating it’s one of the few chances to meet a real live person rather than some Russian avatar trying to sell you bitcoin.

Later, when you have a partner, parties become a bit like Top Gear – you have a nice car but it is always good to have a trip to the dealer once in a while to see what else is on the market. Then along comes marriage and kids and all of a sudden parties take on a different vibe. Before you know it, you are swapping notes on the best rat runs to shave minutes off the school run.

Mentally and physically, young people are better built for parties. They don’t mind drinking wine called Bulls Blood and when it makes them ill, they will be better in about 20 minutes flat. They are not fussy about the food, as long as there is a vegan option. They don’t even mind a long walk home in the rain at the end of the evening because there are no taxis. They are party people.

By the time you realise you’ve reached an age when you go to parties hoping to meet a new physio to help with your bad back rather than the love of your life, it’s too late. What about meeting new friends, you may well ask? According to international research, most of us have made our best friends by the age of 21 and stop picking up new ones after 25, so that excuse doesn’t work either.

So maybe we need a system of age verification? We already have Challenge 25 to verify the date of birth of anyone buying alcohol so perhaps we should also use that to ensure anyone attending a party above that age is sent home immediately with a party pack of Horlicks.

Of course there is one stone cold justification for anyone over the age of 25 attending a party this Christmas. By that age they are probably the main name on an energy account. With these plummeting temperatures, a Christmas party invitation is the perfect excuse to switch off the heating at home and spend a few hours warming yourself in someone else’s house at their expense.

As a party trick, it is something that would make Ebenezer Scrooge proud.