Brian Monteith: Drop the pretence for a change, Alex Salmond

LET Scotland be a republic if that’s what it wants. Well, that’s it then. It’s all done and dusted. It’s official; the Scottish Parliament has spoken.

An independent Scotland will be a constitutional monarchy, so all those aspiring republicans that thought independence would make things different have had their gas put on a peep – and by no lesser mortal than King Eck the First himself.

We’ll be sticking with Lizzie; just as we’ll be sticking with the pound, will still watch Corrie or EastEnders and can fly British Airways. According to His Royal Eckness we’ll still be in the UK because we’ll have the Queen.

There will be no borders posts, the Queen’s head will still be on the stamps, the remaining Scottish regiments required for ceremonial duties at Edinburgh and Stirling castles and Fort Alexander (formerly known as Fort George) will still swear allegiance to Her Maj, be in Nato and nuclear subs will still be in the Clyde.

Nothing will change (except Corporation Tax coming down) so there is nothing to fear – well that’s what King Eck would have us believe. Well, he’s got an Eck of a nerve.

It is all complete and utter tosh designed to deceive people into voting Yes to separating from the UK because they will be voting yes to the Queen, yes to the pound, yes to the Queen Vic and Yes to the Black Watch.

Then, after independence has been cunningly delivered, the real changes that the tricksters who are too scared to stand up for what they really believe in will start to chip away at King Eck’s Walt Disney version of Scotland until it become an unrecognisable Hammer horror, but without the cheesy laughs.

You see King Eck is only in favour of the Queen, he’s not necessarily in favour of constitutional monarchy as a principle, and when her Majesty departs us there will be an outpouring of respectful grief at the passing of an epoch – and then the question will be raised. Do we really need Charles III, King of Scots?

Put it this way, yesterday the Scottish Parliament, led by King Eck, thanked Her Majesty for her dedication to duty and public service over the last 60 years – but don’t expect all those phony monarchists behind him like Roseanna Red Rose Cunningham to offer their undying thanks to Charles for his 45 years’ public service as the Prince of Wales.

Of course there are some people happy with the monarchy that don’t fancy Charles as king, they would far rather just jump straight to William, but there are others that don’t want a King Billy (or a King Eck) and at least have the guts to say it.

Step forward Patrick Harvie, convener of the Scottish Greens. If you want to know what Scotland might be like after independence you only have to ask him and you get a far more genuine sense of what those in Eck’s royal cortege really want.

A President of the Peoples’ Republic of Greater Strathclyde, sorry Scotland, for starters; Scotland joining the euro as others are leaving, toy soldiers in a Nato-free security force; and if you want your British, sorry English, soaps you’ll pay for them on satellite.

The country will be covered in wind turbines that, when they don’t work – which is the majority of the time – we shall be importing gas, coal and nuclear generated electricity from, ahem, England.

Now I’ve absolutely no objection to people suggesting Scotland (even Britain) becomes a republic, for it’s a perfectly rational and respectable point of view, many countries are republics and some are possibly better for it as it suits their history and culture. Likewise, I see no objection to countries joining the euro if they wish, so long as they know it shall ultimately mean a loss of sovereignty. The same goes for trying to harness the wind, the waves and the tides, so long as you accept the costs.

What I object to is politicians saying that leaving the UK will be as if nothing’s changed when everything will begin to change. Firstly, I shall no longer be Scottish and British but only Scottish, no longer a British subject with my British passport, and these things matter to me.

There will, for the next 20 or 30 years, be great upheaval as those that want further change but did not have the honesty or the guts to say it will kick off at every opportunity, trying to make us less British.

They will want to drop the pound and join the euro; they will want to demilitarise our forces and leave Nato; and they will want to make us dependent on imported electricity because their Heath-Robinson schemes will fail.

Thank you Patrick Harvie for having the guts to be honest unlike his Highness the Great Pretender, King Eck, who would sell us a pig in a poke and call it the crown jewels.