Ban mince pies?! Christmas isn't Christmas without them – Stephen Jardine

Christmas is a time for doing things we don’t want to do because it makes other people happy

Christmas is in trouble. Down the years it has survived everything from attempts to ban it under Oliver Cromwell to the annual spectacle of some hapless local authority rebranding it Wintermas to avoid offending someone and instead upsetting everyone.

Despite all this, the December juggernaut has always ploughed on regardless… until now when it faces an existential threat thanks to the Glynhill Hotel. For the first time in 50 years, the establishment in Renfrew has removed mince pies from its festive menu due to “low demand and high wastage”.

Chef Willie Millar said the hotel usually ordered around 5,000 mince pies every December but around 80 per cent ended up in the bin. “Every year, we buy them, we serve them, then with a very few exceptions we bin them, which feels like an awful waste,” he said.

With the right ingredients, mince pies are a gourmet treat (Picture: Matt Alexander/PA)

As Albert Einstein reputedly said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. With sustainability now so important, it’s good to see businesses trying to cut down on food waste which costs the hospitality sector over £3 billion a year. However, a ban is not the answer… they just need better mince pies.

Don’t let Scrooge make your mince pies

I say this as an expert. This year I have a Mince Pie Advent Calendar which gives me a specimen each day and, so far, every tiny tart has been delicious. But then I would eat mince pies 365 days a year if it wasn’t for the strain type 2 diabetes puts on the NHS.

A good mince pie is a wonderful thing. Of course, there are some bad examples but that’s all down to Scrooge levels of stinginess. Cheap mincemeat and not enough butter in the pastry produce a miserable specimen. That’s why the giant retailers try to cover up their meanness by adulterating them with everything from frangipane to salted caramel.

None of that is required if the basic model is good enough and made with love and care. Plus the mince pie is much more than just something to eat, it’s a symbol that the greatest celebration in the calendar is with us once again.

Not the season for self-centered narcissism

If we are going to start getting picky about the individual elements, then Christmas really is in trouble. Nobody really likes Brussels sprouts, marzipan fruits or mulled wine. If we did, we’d have them at other times of the year. Christmas works because it is a giant bubbling cauldron of emotion, containing lots of things we love and hate. Strip elements of that away and you have the odious Marks and Spencer Christmas advert urging us all to do whatever we want this Christmas.

That plays into the current fashion for self-centered narcissism where individual happiness matters much more than collective good but it’s a recipe for Christmas misery. Someone needs to sit next to Bob from finance at the office lunch. No one wants to after what happened last year but that is not the point. Christmas is a time for doing things we don’t want to do because it makes other people happy.

So come on Glynhill Hotel, find yourself a new mince pie supplier and get them back on the menu. And if you need someone to help sort the good from the bad, I’ll bring the brandy butter.