Norman Lovett and Hattie Hayridge

NORMAN LOVETT

So, have you done your show yet?

HATTIE HAYRIDGE

No, why? Have you done one?

Yeah, I did one last night. I had 51 people. Paying people. People who paid.

God, that's a lot. You didn't give any tickets away?

No. They were a good audience as well. Three soldiers came in on the front row and they were a bit drunk and they heckled a bit.

What time's your show?

Five o'clock.

Three drunken soldiers at five o'clock?

Yeah, well, you're in Edinburgh now. People start drinking early. Anyway, they were Glaswegians. I'm not saying all Glaswegians drink all day, but these three did. So you've got your first show tonight. What time's your show?

I have to be careful how I say it: 7:55. I said to someone the other day "five to eight" and they said "are you doing a three-hour show?"

Have you met any Red Dwarf fans yet, in Edinburgh?

I haven't yet, no. I met the taxi driver who picked up JK Rowling after she'd finished writing Harry Potter though. That's amazing, isn't it?

What did she say to him? "I've just finished it?"

Yeah.

I read that she went into depression when she finished it. I'd have thought she'd have been pleased. Wouldn't you, after all that writing?

It's kind of like "what do I do next?" It's like when you do the last night of a show.

Yeah, how's she going to earn money now? She's out of a job now, isn't she? Poor thing.

I don't think the money's a problem.

It's just like poor Carol Vorderman having to do those loan adverts on telly for years and years because she's a bit short of money.

She's probably paying back a consolidated loan herself. Maybe part of the deal was that she had to do that. Have you taken out a loan? To do the show?

Oh yeah. As soon as I saw that advert I thought: "Carol Vorderman knows what she's talking about - she's bright with figures - this must be the right company to take out a loan with" so I took a loan out to do Edinburgh. As you know, you need lots of money because you don't make any money in Edinburgh.

I know. You get some money and you think "what shall I do with that? I know, I'll just chuck it away on a month in Edinburgh." I could have bought a buy-to-let flat.

I have to say that if I didn't make any money this Edinburgh, I would never do Edinburgh again. I have to be honest. I wouldn't bother coming. Because I need money. That's the truth. I'm not going to give any bullshit, there's enough bullshit flying around, especially in August in Edinburgh.

No, I don't ever think of Edinburgh as a way of making money. You're better off coming up for one night, doing some little place, them giving you 50 quid and you going home. That's the only way you make money in Edinburgh. So did you have any Red Dwarf fans in your show?

Yeah, three.

Were the soldiers Red Dwarf fans?

Yeah. I had a photo taken with them at the end. I put my arms round two of them and the other one stood behind me and someone took a picture. They were happy. And drunk.

They weren't SAS blokes, were they?

No, I don't know what they were. Just soldiers.

Were they finished being soldiers? They weren't in uniform, I mean?

No they had these things on their shoulders ... what are they called?

Epileptics?

No, not epileptics! What are those things called? Epaulettes! I can't remember what they're for.

I think they're to stuff your gloves under.

Yeah, you could put a little brolly in one and gloves in the other.

Yeah, it's like an accessories thing.

Yeah, but they were good - they enjoyed the show - bit of heckling, but I like heckling ...

What did they say?

At one stage they said "Red Dwarf's not funny" and I said "now you're being silly".

Yeah - why are they fans of it then?

Oh, they were just trying to be funny. One of them thought he was really funny, but he'd had too much to drink. Things were just coming out of his mouth but it was all crap. At one stage he just said "deckchair" or something.

Surreal soldiers ...

Yeah, it was surreal heckling. But you know, that's people.

That's daft, saying Red Dwarf's not funny. It is funny. It's still funny.

I said to him, "the proof is in the pudding, my friend". Well, no, I didn't say that, I've forgotten what I did say. "It stands the test of time" - that's what I said.

It is still funny though, isn't it, when they show it? It's classic.

It's classic stuff.

I'm glad I did it. Are you?

Oh yeah. I think there is a part of me that wonders what would have happened if I hadn't done it and concentrated on my stand-up, because I was doing OK at stand-up at the time. But then as soon as you get TV you sort of neglect the stand-up and think, "oh, I'm doing TV now". But I never regret it. "They're all dead Dave". Classic. I think the reason people like that line is because that's what the show is all about, isn't it? The fact that they all died and I brought them back. I brought Rimmer back to be with Lister. That's the conception of the two main characters, isn't it?

Yeah, that's right - it starts with the crew all dead ... Dave.

• You can listen to all our Brief Encounters so far, and read some from last year, at www.thescotsman.co.uk/briefencounter