Museum of sporrans would keep Festival threat in check

A couple of years ago a report was produced about the impact of festivals on Edinburgh. It said festivals were a Good Thing, because lots of people came here and spent money and became cultured and stuff.

I'm not sure if they included pan pipers in the evaluation, because I have serious reservations about them. Likewise, mime artists. They just can't be bothered to learn a script.

The report was called Thundering Hooves, a title that smacks of a marketing executive with initials for a name who wears bow ties and likes to be known as a zany thinker.

Edinburgh, it said, was a Good Place for a festival, on account of the Castle, which is just great. So let's hear it for the kings of Scotland who had the foresight to shove a castle up to provide a terrific backdrop for the Tattoo.

However, like the ghost of Festivals Future, they delivered a dire warning.

They pointed across the border. Be aware, they said, South lies the city of Manchester.

They covet your unicyclists and student productions of Oklahoma. They plan to seize the crown of Festival City from you, Edinburgh, and plot to lure modern dance groups with nice venues and they promise not to refer to them as "jessies in footless tights", in public at least.

Oh, we know, they don't have a castle, but be not smug, Edinburgh. Manchester has a secret weapon.

Good people of Edinburgh, I stumbled across that secret weapon at the weekend. Manchester has a museum entirely dedicated to gas. What a card up the sleeve that is. The museum even houses the last known example of a gas-powered washing machine.

Game on, Manchester. Bet we can see them off with a museum dedicated to haggis. Harry Lauder? Sporrans? Tablet?