Lazy Guide to the Internet

Every now and then, however, something happens that reminds us that things are different out there.

By virtue of its sheer size, fads and crazes sweep the internet’s billions of pages without ever being noticed by those who aren’t online.

If a celebrity was to die in the real world, then there would be tributes on the telly, stories in the papers, friends reminiscing on the radio.

And, because the people who use the internet also use traditional media, there would be online tributes to the departed celeb, including some truly terrifying "fan sites" that would combine stalking with necromancy.

However, when an "internet" celebrity merges with the infinite, there is no wailing nor gnashing of teeth in the traditional media. Such an online icon has passed away of late: the Filthy Critic is dead.

Now this news will mean absolutely nothing to most of you. However, the Filthy Critic was possibly the web’s best (and most savage) film reviewer and an online institution.

Such was his fame that he had a much sought-after "cool site" link to his reviews on slashdot.org. Slashdot is a tech site that is read by about 300,000 people every day. Its five (now four) "cool site" links are possibly the most valuable bits of marketing real estate in the world.

Now Filthy Critic has gone, you’ll find messages on various websites mourning his passing and cursing the fact that Monday mornings will never again begin with his unique, sarcastic attacks on Hollywood.

Many quote the words that announced his demise to the world, which can be found on his website, bigempire.com/filthy.

The Filthy Critic was killed in a bicycle collision late on Thursday night. He died the way he lived - wobbling aimlessly in the slow lane.

At this point, I should point out that the Filthy Critic was never actually alive; he was a character created by Matt Weatherford for bigempire.com, which drolly describes itself as "the world’s only website". Weatherford wants to concentrate on other things and has done away with the Filthy Critic.

However, the killing-off of the character is a major cultural event, comparable even to Coronation Street being pulled. No, I’m not kidding.

What made the Filthy Critic column different was that it was utterly savage and embraced an inventive and enthusiastic approach to profanity.

While other film reviewers might seek to aggrandise themselves through their writing, the persona of the Filthy Critic was a desperate, drunken nobody who resented forking out hard-earned money (his wife’s) to watch dreadful films.

From behind this mask, Weatherford created excoriatingly honest and utterly unforgiving reviews of movies that were getting softer treatment elsewhere. Celebrities who otherwise get pampered by the media were cut down to size by Filthy.

Adam Sandler’s Waterboy is described as "not quite as funny as chopping off one of your own fingers".

Callie Khouri, the author of Thelma and Louise, was dismissed as "a needy sell-out" for directing the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, or Divine Secrets of the Blah Blah Blah Blah, as Filthy put it.

Instead of star ratings, Filthy awarded "fingers" to films based on their quality. A film he enjoyed, like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, got five fingers. Deuce Bigalow got one, the middle one naturally, prominently displayed at the top of the review.

As well as lambasting Hollywood’s finest, Filthy also got stuck into his fellow reviewers, running a regular slot called "Quote whore of the week", mocking those who had puffed films that were palpably awful.

But there was more to the Filthy Critic column than inventive abuse, extremely foul language, patchy spelling and negativity.

If Filthy said a film was garbage, he was usually correct. If he praised it, then you knew it had to be something really special. As someone on one of the message boards I saw said: "Filthy, you will be missed."

But not by Hollywood, I suspect.

• Stewart Kirkpatrick is the editor of Scotsman.com

Read the full version of this article in scotsman.com