Invitations, supplications and machinations - how Salmond's flattery spectacularly failed to woo Murdoch

IT STARTED with a gift - a small token of affection that so enraptured Alex Salmond that it led to a First Ministerial flurry of ardent letters, intimate phone calls, presents and even an invitation to the theatre.

Something stirred deep in Mr Salmond's breast when none other than Rupert Murdoch gave him a copy of the book Born Fighting: How the Scots/Irish Shaped America.

After receiving the tome by the US Senator Jim Webb in October 2007, Mr Salmond lost little time dashing off an effusive letter to the media mogul, which thanked him profusely for the book and reminisced about a stolen moment they shared together in New York. "I enjoyed our conversation and, as ever, found your views both insightful and stimulating," Mr Salmond gushed in his thank-you letter of 24 October, 2007.

Also in the letter was the first of several invitations that Mr Salmond was to offer the object of his affections as he embarked on a touching, if almost entirely one-sided, correspondence with the elderly media mogul.

The First Minister invited Mr Murdoch to join the Globalscot network, an organisation that fosters links amongst the Scottish diaspora.

"As a high profile Globalscot member, I believe that your participation would send a powerful signal about Scotland's ambition," said Mr Salmond, laying it on with a trowel.

By now the thrill of the chase was consuming the First Minister. Barely a week later, he wrote again thanking Mr Murdoch "so much" for an invitation to open News International's "splendid new (printing) plant" at Eurocentral, Motherwell.

"I hope that News International goes from strength to strength and that your 'big bet' in newspapers will pay off," Mr Salmond wrote on 31 October, 2007, showing that his knack for nauseating sycophancy was undimmed. Coquettishly, the First Minister even slipped in an invitation to the Black Watch play then showing in New York, even offering Mr Murdoch a backstage pass to "meet the artists".

Having come to the conclusion that Mr Murdoch is really a bit of a sensitive soul beneath that intimidating exterior, Mr Salmond took care to warn the hard-nosed billionaire that some scenes might be too disturbing for him.

"Remember this is a rough tough production, which puts forward a number of views which you might find controversial," warned Mr Salmond with the sort of paternalistic and patronising consideration not normally associated with dealing with ambitious oligarchs.

"However, it has outstanding theatrical merit and also captures something of the fighting Scot that Jim Webb has been writing about.Please let me know your opinion of the production when you have the chance to see it," the First Minister added.

Unfortunately for Mr Salmond, his advances were spurned. He never found out what Mr Murdoch thought of the play, because the media mogul did not go to the theatre.

Heart-breakingly, Mr Salmond was jilted once more when he invited him to be part of the official Scotland delegation at the Ryder Cup when the golf match was being played in Kentucky.

By now his flattery had become so grovelling that he even managed to knight Mr Murdoch, despite the honour not being within his gift.

"Dear Sir Rupert," began his letter of September 2008 offering the Ryder Cup invitation.

His attempts to lure Mr Murdoch to Scotland for the 2009 year of Homecoming were also to be unrequited. Not even Mr Salmond's present of a golf DVD that he sent in October 2008 with an "excellent voiceover" by Sir Sean Connery could tempt back "Sir" Rupert to the land of his ancestors. Another gift was to follow - this time a copy of the TV advert publicising Homecoming starring Connery, Brian Cox, Chris Hoy and Lulu.

"They are shot against a backdrop of some of Scotland's greatest locations, singing lines from Dougie MacLean's Caledonia, a song that resonates deeply with people of all ages across Scotland and far beyond," Mr Salmond added helpfully, before issuing yet another invitation. "I would be delighted if you where (sic) able to join me at any of the Homecoming events as my special guest," he said, beginning to sound a little bit desperate.

The last of three invitations to the Gathering mentioned the possibility of Sky having exclusive coverage of the Homecoming Pageant. It was only then that Mr Murdoch deigned to reply, sending Mr Salmond a two paragraph note the following month saying he would pass his letter on to Sky TV.

As Mr Salmond's hero Robert Burns might have said: "Ha Ha! the wooing o' it."