Youngest Child is having a wardrobe clear out so I help by sticking my foot in her bedroom doorway so she can’t shut it and has to listen to my Mary Kondo lecture about vertical folding and items that spark joy. She seems receptive till I noticed the ear buds and leave her to it.
Ten minutes later two bulging bin bags of clothes appear in the hallway.
“My friends are coming round to look through that so don’t throw them out. If they don’t want any of it, it can go to the recycling.”
“Ooh, I love a rummage, let me see,” I say.
She disappears back into her room because she knows what’s coming...
1. “Half of this still has labels on. How much!?”
2. “You’ve only worn that once. How come?”
3. “Aw, you look lovely in that - I bought you that for your birthday.”
4. “Do you think I’m too old for this?”
5. “These better be fakes.”
6. “This is filthy! Clarty mare.”
7. “What actually are these items? Outfits or accessories? Tiny scraps of material? Tops? Skirts? Scarfs?”
8. “This belongs to your brother/s. And you’ve cut it in half!”
9. “This is mine! I’ve been looking for this for months. What’s this all over the back of it?”
From behind the door comes back:
1. “Yup, I can sell it online.”
2. “Worn it lots - you just haven’t seen me.”
3. “I know and I love them, thank you - but Peter Pan collars just aren’t me. I’m not ten.”
4. “No, obviously. But you would say you’re too old and go on about it.”
5. “Course they’re fakes - I’m not an idiot that wastes money on designer clothes - oh apart from that bag, and that bikini.”
6. “My friends don’t care, but if it makes you feel better I’ll wash it… later. Just leave the bag in the hall.”
7. “Sigh. Me and Biggie are cat napping. We’re tired from tidying the drawers. They’re scarves you wear as halter tops, yes in Scotland, some of us go clubbing…”
8. “They won’t mind.”
9. Oh yes, thank you. Sorry, that jacket got a bit dirty because I was resting on the floor when we were clubbing, and no I wasn’t drinking or drugged or spiked, just sitting down quietly with friends. But you can have it back. It just needs a wash. I’ll do it later. I WILL!”