Masks. It was easy when there weren’t any to be had and everyone was fighting over the last disposable face cover in Freshco’s and a simple scarf would suffice but now they’re compulsory it’s complicated.
We’ve got to wear them, it makes sense: the germs are kept in and out we're told, but so are facial expressions. The cheery smile of thanks for the helpful nebs who tut at you when you go the wrong way up the aisle, and conversely, as my friend Dundee Man puts it: ‘it’s ruining my shopping. My ‘don't bother me’ scowl is hidden behind my mask.’
From high end designer logo-ed bug busters to eco-conscious coverings run up by crafters with a conscience for a cause, it’s all about the mask.
Youngest appears for our shopping trip sporting a stylish, tick, ethical, tick, tartan, tick, washable, tick, efficient on account of its Gringe-style pointy snout, tick, mask.
“Nice,” I say from behind disposable tissue, immediately envious. “Where did you get that?”
“Other Parent. He bought lots and gave us three one each.”
Right. This is where the dressing up box/carrier bag comes in. Every house needs one – whether you have children or not, although their presence makes it easier to amass outfits and provides an excuse – “Lederhosen? Yes I loathe musicals, but it was World Book Day...” and “Easter again, that Ann Summers bunny outfit was worth it after all for the ears”.
As I’ve had years to pile up flammable tat and thingmies (hats, eyepatches, princess outfits, ninja turtle masks, Elvis Vegas white rhinestone pantsuit, oh wait we had to give that straight back) I have the very thing.
“Like my new mask?” I ask Youngest.
“The Purge,” she says. “Yay. My mask from Halloween.”
“Yes, and it lights up too, for night time shopping.”
“Cool. But I think you should lose the baseball bat.”
“Really? Too much?”
“It’s just it’s not from The Purge. It’s Harley Quinn. And also… well, it really doesn’t have anything to do with coronavirus does it?”
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