Should I stay or should I go now? A few days away from home sounds attractive, but it’s always a worry - Janet Christie's Mum's the Word

A few days away from home sounds attractive, but it’s always a worry...

Mum's the Word

This is why I never go anywhere, despite vowing during lockdown that when this was all over I was going to get Out There. Go to festivals, hit the road, spread my wings now that even my youngest child is an adult and I really don’t need to monitor their every move. I’m not going to be one of those mothers who gets Empty Nest Syndrome, especially since my nest is never actually empty.

However, just as I’m thinking about packing a case not only has Biggie Smalls the cat developed a morbid fascination with the fireplace, trying to pull the fireguard away so he can take a closer look up the chimney - no doubt to surprise the birds nesting on the roof - but now Youngest Child has a temperature and cough.

Even worse, she’s saying unnerving things like “You’re the best looker-after ever”, “You’re the best mum in the world,” and “No, I don’t think I can eat that pain au chocolat.”

“I don’t think I should go,” I tell her. She’s never not hungry.

“Yes, go! I’m fine, it’s just a cough.”

“I know, but I won’t enjoy it if I feel like I should be at home looking after you. I know I over-mother and stifle, but that’s my job.”

“Yeah, but you’ve been doing it nearly 27 years - you’ve been quite good - and you need to go away sometimes too… Please.”

“Maybe.”

“Can I go and get in your bed?”

Oh God. The Big Bed manoeuvre. She’ll be asking for tomato soup next.

“Right, we’re doing a Covid test,” I say, making her honey and lemon and dispensing paracetamol.

“If it’s Covid I can’t go,” I say.

It’s not.

“Right. I’m getting up,” she says. “Getting dressed. Think I’ll have a yoghurt. Maybe some strawberries. I’m feeling a bit better. Wanna watch my TikTok feed about Roe versus Wade? Keep Your Laws Off Our Bodies!”

Back on her phone, that’s a good sign.

“Biggie will look after me while you’re gone,” she says. “And Middle and Eldest. We’re all grown ups. What’s wrong with you?”

Er, I’m a control freak?

“Well what if Biggie goes up the chimney and crashes back down in a cloud of soot that fills the room?” I say, clutching at straws now.

“Then we’ll just leave it till you get home. Promise. Don’t worry.”