Janet Christie: “You already have the witchy nose”

I’m still locked in the bathroom to which I have retreated for my own safety while Youngest Child calms down and works on 
her apology.

I would happily remain there all day but I suddenly remember I was dying my hair when the swearing drama erupted and I haven’t got my watch. How long have I been in here smoking, despairing, staring at the mouldy grouting? In a panic I remove my plastic turban. There was mention of “Brown” on the packet but I didn’t register the other words and it’s looking very, very dark. Black in fact. I rinse it off. Still black. I rinse it off again. Sigh.

I emerge to a waiting Youngest Child.

“I’m very sorry mummy,” she says, then peering at my hair, “Oh!”

“OK, but don’t ever speak to me like that again,” I say. Never mind following through with the discipline thing, I rush off to see if my pitch-black hair dries any lighter. She follows.

“You’re a nice mummy really. I’m sorry I swore at you. We’ll say no more about it. Anyway, I like your new Halloween hair. And you already have the witchy nose – it just needs a stick-on wart – and bags under your eyes. Not many mums go to all that trouble. Good effort! Thank you. You are lovely.”

Aw thanks. I think.