Why restaurant staff dread Valentine’s Day – Stephen Jardine

So how was it for you? Across Scotland, restaurant owners will be counting last night’s takings and breathing a huge sigh of relief that Valentine’s Day is over for another year.

A meal in a good restaurant is a Valentine's Day tradition

In theory, you’d think they would love it. In the middle of February, when the north wind blows and Christmas credit card spending bites, along comes a bonanza for restaurants everywhere.

If you serve food to the public and aren’t busy on Valentine’s Day, something has gone horribly wrong.

In reality, I don’t know a chef in the country who actually looks forward to what is supposed to be the most romantic night of the year.

For a start, restaurants are busy but not in a good way. To get the atmosphere right on a normal night, you need a mix of tables – a few couples but also some larger parties intent on eating, drinking and having fun.

Valentine’s night is nothing but grim tables for two and as a result, the atmosphere is stifling. One well-known Edinburgh chef told me a bust-up is guaranteed every year. “Without fail, there will be tears and an argument at one table on Valentine’s night. The front of house staff absolutely dread it,” he said. No wonder.

I remember eating out one February 14th and feeling very smug that I’d actually remembered to make a reservation. Then the bloke at the table next door produced an engagement ring and ordered the most expensive champagne on the menu. My Clinton’s card looked a little lame in comparison.

Then there is the meal. We’ve reached the halfway point in this column without even mentioning the food because what you eat is by far the least important thing about dinner on Valentine’s Day.

Burdened by the weight of the occasion, some chefs are thrown off course and out comes the special Valentine’s menu.

I’ve just seen one featuring a dish called Eternal Bliss, “a harmonious palate of crisp broccoli, water chestnuts, baby carrots, snow peas and onion all still fried in a light sauce”. Can you pass the sick bag, please?

Add in Luther Vandross on the sound system and some dodgy bloke waiting on the pavement outside to sell you a wilting red rose for a fiver and you have the makings of an evening that is memorable for all the wrong reasons.

A much better idea is to stay at home and cook something you can share for Valentine’s. The supermarkets are all over this approach with specific meal deals built around it. Marks and Spencer’s special Sticky Toffee Pudding for 2 is a cynical piece of marketing manipulation which is why I bought one for last night and another for through the week.

If you really want to go out for a romantic dinner, make it tonight instead when normal service will be resumed and the Valentine’s menu is in the bin for another year.

Alternatively, just ignore the whole thing and pretend it isn’t happening.

Last year I met my mate Tom for lunch. We were greeted with two glasses of fizz but it was only when the restaurant filled up with couples that we realised the date was February 14th. Now I like Tom but not that much. Thankfully, the waiter didn’t know that so we got our heart-shaped chocolates with the bill.