If you need that helping hand to make Christmas just that extra bit special – maybe you’re looking to entertain the kids, or stuff a homemade cracker with a unique (but suitably terrible) joke – here are nearly 60 child-friendly festive jokes they’re sure to enjoy learning and delivering at the dinner table!
59 of the best Christmas jokes for kids
What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A pineapple!
Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
What is white and minty? A polo bear!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
Why was the turkey in the pop group? Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
Why is winter a snowman’s favourite time of year? Because they can camouflage!
How does Christmas Day end? With the letter Y!
What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backwards!
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey? On the dark side!
Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present’s beneath them!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
When is a boat just like snow? When it’s adrift!
Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!
What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had no body to go with!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What is the most competitive season? Win-ter!
How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill? The National Elf Service!
What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we'll go places!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards!
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh!
What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care!
What’s a child’s favourite king at Christmas? A stoc-king!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elf-is Presley!
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus' weight when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had nobody to go with!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
What do you call buying a piano for the holidays? Christmas Chopin!
What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky!
What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low elf esteem!
What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh? Santa going through a revolving door!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
What does Santa do with out of shape elves? Sends them to an elf farm.
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show!
What type of key do you need for a Nativity play? A don-key!
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!