Funniest jokes and quotes about whisky

As well as being splattered in blood Scotland’s history is slathered with whisky.

With a history dating back centuries whisky is a key part of the country’s identity with tourists travelling from far and wide to sample the water of life in its many varieties.

The country’s national drink is similar in many ways to another one of its famed exports: its humour.

Rich, world-renowned and a bit too strong for some’s liking.

We combined the two and rounded up a list of the best quotes and jokes about whisky.

These are the best jokes and quotes about whisky

1. I got home after a stressful and demotivating day to find my partner moving my whisky collection up to a high shelf. I can always rely on them to lift my spirits.

2. An old woman drinks whisky for the first time. She thinks for a while, and then says: “Strange, the stuff tastes exactly like the medicine my late husband had to take for twenty years!”

3. She was only a whisky maker....but he loved her still

4 . I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost few days already.

5. The other day I bought 2 large bottles of whisky, but I was worried I would drop them on my way home. To solve this problem I drank them before beginning the long walk home. I'm really glad I did, because I fell over six times!

6. A man walks into a bar and drinks 10 straight double whiskys one after the other. Suddenly he keels over rubbing his stomach head bowed, barman says to the man, 'what's the matter?' Man says 'I shouldn't of drank that whisky with what I've got', barman says 'why what have you got?' Man says £2

7. What kind of whisky does a bunny drink? Hop Scotch.

8. I can walk on water but I just kind of stumble on whisky

9. "I'm starting a new job”, "What sort of job?” "I'm an expert egg beater" “That's a whisky business.”

10. What did Batman give Doctor Freeze with his whisky? Just-ice

11 . “Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whisky is barely enough.” (Mark Twain)

12 . “Don’t cry over spilt milk. It could have been whiskey” (Maverick)

13 . “The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.” (Winston Churchill)

14 . “Whisky is liquid sunshine.” (George Bernard Shaw)

15 . “I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other.” (Ava Gardner)

16 . “What whisky will not cure, there is no cure for.” (Proverb)

17 . “Always carry a flagon of whisky in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.” (W.C. Fields)

18 . “There is no bad whisky. There are only some whiskys that aren’t as good as others.” (Raymond Chandler)

19 . “A good gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime—it’s not very scientific, but it helps.” (Alexander Fleming)

20 .“Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.” (Compton Mackenzie)