Divorce is never pleasant - but with the right approach it can be bearable

January is famously the busiest month of the year for divorce, with lawyers traditionally reporting a surge in cases in the early weeks of the New Year.

And the process is financially challenging as well as emotionally draining, with money and possessions a frequent source of tension and stress. Fiona Rasmusen, partner at Gibson Kerr, shares her top tips on minimising the hassle and stress of divorce.

1 Talk to the experts

When a relationship sours, it's easy to jump into divorce proceedings without stopping to think. Tensions are high and many people don't take much time to contemplate the complexities of the divorce process - they just want to terminate their union.

Always talk to a relationship expert or family law practitioner before making any decision about divorce. Then you'll be sure you're making the right, rational decision.

2 Know Your Reasons

Scottish law allows a divorce to be actioned on one of four grounds: adultery, unreasonable behaviour, one year's separation with consent or two years' separation without consent. A simplified divorce application can be made at the Sheriff Court under the latter two grounds - but only if there are no money issues between the parties and no children under the age of 16.

Check with your solicitor to ensure that your reasons for seeking a divorce are legally acceptable and what the best plan of action is.

3 Accept both parties could be worse off

Some partners try to "get one over" on their spouse when it comes to their divorce settlement - especially if they believe their partner was responsible for the break up. Others feel they deserve a larger slice of their accumulated assets and this can lead to tension between the parties during divorce proceedings.

However, separating couples need to realise divorce is expensive - and neither of them will be a financial winner once the divorce is complete.

4 Be ready to compromise

One of the most common reasons for divorce proceedings to drag on is when couples are unwilling to compromise when it comes to splitting their possessions, property or money.

Enter into negotiations with a clear head and be ready to accept some give and take over who gets what - and the whole process will be much smoother. By compromising, you can cut out a lot of mud-slinging and emotional manipulation.

5 Be prepared to do the spadework

You will probably need to get everything valued at the date of your separation - including your house, cars, bank accounts, pensions and investments. It is much cheaper if you do this yourself rather than getting your solicitor to do it for you.

It's also vitally important to keep all documents and correspondence regarding the divorce - including bills and mortgage statements - in a safe, orderly file.If you lose any of these documents, you may have to pay for replacement copies.

6 Don't use the kids as pawns

Divorce is a highly charged and emotional process and, unfortunately, many couples with children are tempted to use this to their advantage. In particularly vengeful cases, they will even try to use their children to score emotional points against their spouse - often trying to gain full custody of the children while trying to limit visiting rights. The only victims in these cases are the children; try to find the best solution for them - not for you.

7 Don't be a 'bitter twitter'

Partners who see themselves as being wronged by their spouse may be tempted to vent their frustration on social network platforms such as Facebook or Twitter. Such behaviour can be counter-productive and lead to more tension as each partner tries to outscore the other.

8 Check your future budget

After divorcing, many couples find they have to stretch their joint finances to cover the cost of two homes. Remember most people will be poorer after their divorce than they were before it - as they're going down to a single income household - so it's important to look at some future budgeting.

Work out your current cost of living expenditure and compare it to your projected single salary. What sacrifices can you make to keep you in the black? If you're getting custody of your children, are you entitled to any benefits, tax credits or reductions that can help keep your costs down?

If you're in debt - or are worried about getting into debt after your divorce - call a local advice agency who can advise you on managing your finances.

9 Change your will

After you have decided to divorce you should immediately make a will, or change your existing one. If you die without making a will before the divorce is finalised, your partner may be entitled to a large part of your estate, which may not be what you want to happen. If you have children, you will also need to think about providing for them - as well as deciding who would get custody of them if you die.

Talk to your solicitor about making or amending a will.

10 The long haul

Divorce proceedings are not a quick fix. It can take many months, even years, after papers are filed before a divorce is completed - and it will be longer if there are disputes over money or children. Be prepared to deal with the emotional and financial implications of such a long legal process, rather than an immediate remedy for your problems.