Will Slater: 'You tell me. What is the F word?'

SO WE are in the car on our way to or from somewhere when a familiar beep beep sound indicates a text has arrived. My wife rummages in her bag and starts fiddling with her phone, trying to read the message.

It is from one of her best friends who is due to visit Scotland from London for work sometime the following week. It will no doubt be the finalisation of plans, confirmation of where she is staying with perhaps the suggestion of dinner, cocktails or a snatched coffee.

But bright sunlight is making it impossible to read, so the phone is passed to the back of the car for younger, shaded, eyes to read.

Our eldest starts. "Still coming up next week but may not be able to see you Thurs as have completely ...". There is a pause. Eldest says she can't read the next bit.

"Is it too bright back there too?" I ask.

"No, I just can't read it."

"Why?"

"She's written the f word. A lot."

Ah. I had forgotten the friend in question celebrates the full lexicon of Anglo Saxon language.

The phone goes back to the front seat and my wife reads it, barely stifling giggles as she reads a rich torrent of effing this and effing that over a twisted ankle.

Younger daughter asks to see the phone so it is passed to her. She knows some swear words but to see them on a screen, even in text message form, is quite shocking for her. She gasps a little, suddenly realising there is more to mummy's friend from university than big hugs and special birthday presents.

Now youngest is very interested in what's going on. "Can I see? Can I see?"

So we pass the phone and he looks intently at the message, slowly sounding out the words he doesn't know. There are a few the Oxford Reading Tree hasn't got to yet. We can't help it but there are stifled giggles breaking out all over the place. He is giggling too, but doesn't really know why. We don't generally avoid talking about things in a straightforward manner, but on this occasion, we don't correct some of his pronunciation, happy for him to wait a little longer to expand his vocabulary.

We change direction and sunlight is now streaming in through his side of the car.

"I can't read it, the car's wobbling," he says. "You tell me, you tell me. What is the f word?"

This article was first published in Scotland On Sunday, 19 September, 2010