Lyceum Christmas Tale #3: The Stage's Door, by Andy Cannon

Andy Cannon in The Stage's Door PIC: Aly Wight

This winter, the Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh has commissioned a series of Christmas stories from some of Scotland’s best-loved writers, performances of which will be available to view online. Here, we publish an extract from The Stage’s Door by Andy Cannon, along with a link to the film

It was Christmas Day and Bob was all alone in the Theatre.

Why? Because Bob was in charge of the Stage Door – that’s the door at the theatre just for the people who work there.

Now you might think it’s a bit sad that he was all alone on Christmas Day, but to tell the truth, Bob enjoyed his seasonal solitude – just him, the Queen and the empty theatre.

His job involved, amongst other things, opening and locking up the theatre, managing all the dressing room keys, answering the phone, replenishing the “Green Room’s” tea and coffee supplies and of course – taking care of all the floral deliveries on opening nights!

And on top of all these day-to-day responsibilities, when the theatre was “dark” – that is when it is closed – Bob was also required to do the “walk round”.

The “walk round” is just what it says it is – Bob “walks round” the theatre to check it’s secure – locked up properly – and also flush the theatre’s 40 toilets!

That Christmas morning Bob had opened up the theatre as usual, hung up his jacket and scarf and set off on the “walk round”.

Now Bob had done many “walk rounds” over the years but he always felt his Christmas “walk round” held a certain poignancy; marking as it did for him the end of the theatrical year - the performances were now all over and ready to take there place in the theatre’s pantheon of past productions...

“What was that?” Thought Bob.

Was there someone in the theatre?

He made his way to where he thought he’d heard the noise.

Nothing.

He checked the fire escapes on the ground floor. They were tightly locked as normal.

Must have been something outside.

——————

He then made his way out into the reassuring daylight of the foyer – where he found a Post-It stuck to the ice cream fridge proclaiming:

“Help yourself Bob!”

“Don’t mind if I do” he thought and reached down into the fridge for a little tub of ice cream. Vanilla. Opening it immediately he devoured it quickly before resuming the “walk round”.

————————

At last he found himself up on the stage.

For a moment Bob just stood there – standing in front of the curtain taking in the empty auditorium:

“Merry Christmas!” he announced to the vast array of vacant seats – before taking an exaggerated “Restoration bow”.

It was then that Bob heard it – the unmistakable sound of a theatre seat tipping up.

Now as any actor will tell you this is a most unwelcome sound. A sound that will haunt you for the rest of the performance as the dread of hearing another and then another will fill you with the fear that soon there will be a deafening cacophony – of impending emptiness!

The sound seemed to have emanated from the back of the stalls...

“Hello?” Bob enquired of the empty auditorium.

Silence.

It must have just been his imagination thought Bob – or perhaps it really was a seat tipping up on its own accord – they do do that sometimes, especially if they’ve just been re-furnished (which some had). They can get a bit stuck because the heat makes them expand ever so slightly so once they’ve been tipped up and down a few times they... they...

yes, yes – that would be it – just the old building warming up and cooling down.

There it was again – the sound of a seat tipping up! But this time it seemed to be coming from above - up in the “Gods”!

THE AUTHOR

Andy Cannon writes…

“Ghost stories and Christmas have long been associated – almost as much as Ghosts and theatres! Perhaps this is because when the show is over not everyone leaves the theatre...”

*To sign up to receive The Lyceum's eight free Christmas tales, or to buy tickets for the four live streamed stories, please visit www.lyceum.org.uk or contact the box office for more information on [email protected]. This production has been made possible by Creative Scotland's Performing Arts Venues Relief Fund.