Arts blog: ‘Somehow he Derren Browned me’ - Chris Martin pays tribute to a local eccentric

I KEEP seeing this guy wandering the streets of Edinburgh. I didn’t think he was part of a play or musical as he never tried to flyer me. Therefore I deduced that he was a covert lunatic. Although he didn’t look like your stereotypical lunatic and he wasn’t acting like one.

He looked like a normal 30-year-old man at first glance but, having seen him on five separate occasions, I can confirm he’s as mad as a parcel of pasties. He only has one outfit: shorts, hiking boots, a neckerchief, a rucksack but, most importantly, he’s always topless, whatever the weather. Yesterday I saw him in his standard attire on the Meadows bench pressing a metal “workers in the road” sign.

Eventually curiosity got the better of me, so I couldn’t resist asking, “Why do you always dress like this and what are you doing?” He looked at me like I’d just stolen his neckerchief and called his mum a goat. In a very certain and forthright tone he simply said: “I’m maintaining the bod and displaying the bod.”

Somehow he Derren Browned me into the one who felt like a nutter. If anyone sees “the bod” in Edinburgh, say hi from me and maybe give him a cone to bicep curl.

• Chris Martin – Spot the Difference is at Gilded Balloon Teviot, 8:45pm, until 27 August.