The Best Billy Connolly Glasgow jokes

Connolly has said he feels Glasgow is funnier than Edinburgh: "I don't know why. I think it's about immigration, because I don't find Edinburgh people all that funny. They're very interesting and nice, but you wouldn't point to funny as being one of their features. I think it's because Glasgow gets a different kind of immigration."

GREAT GLASGOW GAGS:

"The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards."

"I've never understood people who wear wigs. In Glasgow, they say, 'Why pay good money for a wig when you can get the same effect by putting glue on your head and sticking it in a barber's midden?'"

"My parents used to take me to Lewis's department store in Glasgow. They were skinflints: they used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was the zoo."

"I love the naivety of al-Qaeda for trying to bring a religious war to Glasgow. You're 400 years too late, guys! You've not even got a football team, for Christ's sake. I think that we should give Partick Thistle to al-Qaeda, if only for the joy of hearing them read out their team sheet on Saturday."