Test: are you a...showmancer?

1 You are working on an new project, but it hasn't attracted the column inches you were hoping for. Do you?

A Book a trip to Mexico with your hot new co-star – but be sure to tip off the paparazzi before you leave.

B Dump your husband and sign with the record label of the ex-husband of your former best friend and current arch-enemy. There's nothing like a cat-fight.

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C Issue a carefully worded statement denying a relationship with your hot single co-star, but admit you've asked them out quite a lot of times.

2 It has been observed that you are spending an inordinate amount of time with an attractive celebrity singleton? How do you react?

A The last thing you need is another failed romance, but anything is better than your dating disasters being broadcast across the world. An imaginary relationship may be just what you need.

B You've never been known for your taste, but that isn't going to stop you. To get tongues wagging, book tickets to see the object of your supposed affection in concert twice in one week.

C Time with an attractive celebrity singleton? You wish. You may have been tipping off news desks everywhere about your apparent romance, but your co-star couldn't be less interested. Quite how you are going to handle the red carpet event for the upcoming sequel to the movie in which you both found fame is anyone's guess. Most of all, yours.

3 Your ex has just got together with a hot new partner. What do you do?

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A. You wouldn't give two hoots if it wasn't for the fact that your replacement was just so damn hot. Fight fire with fire – a few strategic embraces on the red carpet should keep everyone wondering.

B It'll only be that stripper he met in Tenerife last year. She's no more attractive than you, especially since you've had the lipo. But you've got more important things on your hands than your grotty ex. Like how to get that food ad contract back.

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C Send your congratulations. She was said to be devastated when the two of you broke up, and the last thing you need at the moment is a bad boy image to contend with. You've been tipped as the new Hugh Grant, for goodness sake. You need to clean up your act. Now if only your hot new co-star would return your calls.

Mostly As The term 'showmance' could have been made for you, such is your skill at the finer arts of the pretend relationship. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler would be truly impressed.

Mostly Bs A showmance may not have been your intention but that's what you've got, thanks to your reputation for toxicity in the relationship department. See Kerry Katona and Peter Andre.

Mostly Cs You could teach Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart a thing or two about showmancing. But you might want to work out exactly where your love life is heading first.

• This article was first published in Scotland on Sunday, April 11, 2010