Random top ten: Memorable Morrissey song titles

1 You're the One for Me, Fatty

Oddly, Morrissey seems full of the joys on this 1992 single, even throwing in a couple of chirpy, Buddy Holly-like "a-hey"s instead of the usual "eeurrh ohhh heerrh" gurning. Is the title sincere, though, or bitterly ironic? It can be hard to tell with Morrissey.

2 I Have Forgiven Jesus

A joke title presumably designed to wind up Christians, distracting from a touching song about repressed desire, and resentment at having to repress it. "Jesus, do you hate me?" Clearly not, Morrissey. Jesus hates nobody. Although he probably didn't like your Kill Uncle album any more than the rest of us.

3 America Is Not the World

A joke title presumably designed to wind up Americans. The song is not, sadly, the cleverly observed satire one would hope for from a man as smart as Morrissey. Instead it offers not very Wildean witticisms such as "America, you know where you can stick your hamburger" and grunts that US talk of opportunity is meaningless when the president is "never black, female or gay". Care to retract that now?

4 Margaret on the Guillotine

A blunt title for a blunt 1988 song expressing the hope that Margaret Thatcher will soon by executed. "When will you die?" Morrissey moans. The former PM has remained stubbornly alive for another 20 years.

5 How Can Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel?

In which the eternal disgruntled teenager veers dangerously close to self-parody. The lyric, appropriately, reads like the kind of drunken, tearful rant usually uttered by someone who falls over shortly afterwards. "And as for you in your uniform, your smelly uniform!"

6 The National Front Disco

The one that, along with Bengali in Platforms, got Morrissey into so much trouble. He's not endorsing racist violence, you understand. But he's not exactly condemning it either.

7 Life Is A Pig Sty

Morrissey has now written so many songs about being unhappy and unloved that he feels obliged to refer to the number of times he's already done it. "It's the same old SOS," this song from current album Years of Refusal begins. "You can throw me off a train, I still maintain, life is a pig sty." Yes, thank you, we get it.

8 The World Is Full of Crashing Bores

Very amusing title. As for its lyrical content, see 7. "The world, I'm afraid, is designed for crashing bores," he sings. "I am not one." You sure?

9 I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris

Why is Morrissey throwing his arms around Paris? "Because nobody wants my love, only stone and steel accepts my love." Quel surprise.

10 You Were Good In Your Time

Indeed you were, Morrissey. Moz fans who won't hear a word against him, and are presumably eagerly anticipating his Scottish shows next week, please address your hate mail c/o 108 Holyrood Road, Edinburgh. Thank you.