Mum's the word

By now the country has decided, but at the time of writing, election fever grips the land and my telly addicts watch the leaders' debates. Youngest Child wasn't keen at first and there was a stand-off over the remote that she lost before we settled down in resentful silence to watch what she came to call The Men in Ties Programmes.

"I really don't like him," she said.

"Who?"

"Yellow Tie. (Clegg.) He keeps interrupting."

Then, "I don't like that Blue Tie person either (Cameron)! How dare he?"

"What?"

"He said parents could go into schools! No, no, no! Only proper teachers should do that."

"So you like Red Tie then?" I asked.

"He's OK. Grumpy, like you."

"Old like you," interjected Middle Child.

"Experienced you mean," I said.

"No, just old."

"Well, he's had a lot on. Youth isn't everything."

"Will you all shut up!" snapped Eldest.

"Bet you like grumpy Red Tie," said Youngest.

"Well, I like the one who says we'd vote at 16," said Middle Child, referring to Clegg.

Youngest was still indignant a couple of days later, walking to school.

"So, Blue Tie from The Men in Ties Show thinks just anyone can go into a school. Mums and people like that! That would be terrible."

At last, we are in agreement.

• This article was first published in The Scotsman on 15 May.