Mark Wright Project Centre has made a huge change for Alan

Alan Turnbull says meeting other ex-servicemen at the Mark Wright Centre has helped him cope with the trauma of his time in the navy.

The former sailor suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) every bit as acute as those who have fought on the front line but his traumas stem from the terrible experiences he endured in peacetime.

Alan, now 50, who joined the Royal Navy a month before his 18th birthday, told his story as he backed the campaign to save the under-threat Mark Wright Project Centre from closure.

Click here to sign our online petition asking the Government to offer some financial support to the charity, by emailing your name and address to [email protected]

He said: "I came from a family with a long naval tradition - my dad, all his brothers, my grandfather - so it was only natural for me to head that way. All I ever wanted to do was to join the navy."

But his dream career turned into a nightmare as he experienced a string of traumatic events, beginning with the death of his best friend while their ship was docked in Montserrat.

The ship had to be moved at short notice due to high winds, while many of the crew were on shore leave. Alan recalled: "The captain decided to bring the crew back and they were all drunk. My mate Hoppy was dragged off the phone to his girlfriend. He was homesick and I was told 'You're responsible, keep an eye on him'. I got him to his bed and the last thing I saw his curtain was closed on his bunk and I thought he was away.

"Next thing I was standing outside the mess deck and he came walking down with a woollen diver's undersuit over his shoulder. He said 'I've had enough, I've had enough' and he just walked off. That's the last I saw of him."

During the night, a patrol found Hoppy was missing. Alan said: "They reckon that he tried to jump off the deck and swim back to shore. But we were over the effluent pipe from a slaughterhouse, so the water was alive with hammerhead sharks and they reckon he couldn't have survived. That was the start of me going downhill."

It was a horrific experience, but Alan was not offered counselling: "We self-medicated with alcohol, and you're encouraged to, it's just a way of life," he said.

Then, while he was based at Portland in Dorset, he was on board HMS Plymouth as she returned to shore from an exercise at sea.

"I was coming out from our mess deck, climbing up the ladder, when I felt this massive blast of hot air and I saw a friend of mine caught in a fireball, coming out the boiler room."

Two men died from their injuries, one of them - Alan's friend Scouse - right in front of him.

But again, there was no comfort.

"Our boss came up to us after it and said 'Once everything's cleaned up, go ashore, have a drink, you'll be fine in the morning'. We were sitting in the mess deck that was covered in soot, we lived on the ship where you could smell burnt flesh for days and days."

Then, as if he hadn't been through enough, another of Alan's friends was shot dead in the Dominican Republic while the ship was visiting.

Inevitably, the strain of so many losses began to affect Alan. His behaviour became erratic, he was taking unreasonable risks and felt he could no longer do his job as an Able Seaman (Sonar). He applied to leave the navy, but before his departure, his leg was crushed by a ship's gangway and he received excruciating injuries. In 1991 he left the navy with a war disablement pension.

If he hoped that leaving the forces would let him put his problems behind him, he was wrong.

"I was having nightmares, I was struggling with what people normally do day to day," he said. "Eventually I got to the stage where I couldn't even go on trains or buses. I couldn't get in enclosed places because I'd have panic attacks, flashbacks. I became very withdrawn but very aggressive. Not to the point where I've actually hurt anybody, but I ended up self-harming. I've cut my arm, I've ripped toenails off, just to try and change my thought process. My wife left and took my son. I lost everything."

Unable to work and afraid to spend too much time alone, he returned home to live with his mother in Dunbar, where he still stays. He has a girlfriend, Sarah, but sleeps so badly that he only spends a night or two with her at a time to avoid disturbing her.

In 1996 Alan was diagnosed with PTSD, and he received counselling from the charity Combat Stress.

A community psychiatric nurse visits him regularly, but between visits, life can be hard: "When you're at home you still struggle," he said. "It's like being on an emotional roller coaster, every day is different."

However, the understanding, the counselling and the companionship he has found at the Mark Wright Project Centre have helped, he says.

"Unless you lose a leg, people don't understand that you can have serious health problems. I also try to hide it from people as much as possible, because there's still such a big stigma about it. But coming here has made a huge change. I've made some good friends.

"You're sitting with people who know exactly how you feel because you're all the same. There's a good atmosphere, and we all look out for each other. You just feel at home - you feel like you're part of something.

"It's really sad that something really sad had to happen for this place to be created, but it's made a huge impact on all our lives."

MONEY AND SUPPORT FLOODS IN

THE first week of the Evening News campaign to save the Mark Wright Project has seen more than 5000 donated, dozens of readers pledge support, and a whole range of fundraising events planned.

Among those making pledges is Fernieside Boys' Club, which is to set up The Mark Wright Memorial Tournament in memory of the fallen paratrooper. The under-nines team will play several others over a week in June, with a weekend final and fair in Drum Park, Gilmerton. The club will provide a cup and trophies, and hold collections at the matches.

Coach Mark Sinclair said: "We saw the project in the paper, and it caught our attention. I think it's an inspiring story for the family to start that up. I've seen the work that they do and it's brilliant."

Last Tuesday the Evening News revealed that Bob and Jem Wright were struggling to fund the veterans' charity set up in memory of their son - who died on a minefield in Afghanistan in 2006 - and were considering selling his medals to keep it afloat.

Since then, individuals have pledged funds of around 2500, and Cramond Kirk donated 3000, which it raised at its Winter Fair. Organiser Gena Wylie said she had chosen the project to benefit after seeing pupils at James Gillespie's High School give a presentation on the charity, with Mr and Mrs Wright present. "It just made such an impact on me. It was obviously the son's bravery, but it was theirs as well, their way of dealing with it."

Names have been flooding in to our petition asking the Government to offer some financial support to the charity, which offers counselling for veterans at its centre in Dalkeith.