Lifelines: Pauline Nimmo on troublesome teens

Being a teenager is not easy and can be a confusing and difficult time. This can also apply to being a parent of a teenager.

Emotions and hormones can dictate a young person's life and actions that, coupled with the need to fit in, can lead to conflict and issues in the home for all. It is important to get some form of balance between allowing your teenager their independence and room to grow and being able to guide and protect them still. This can be tricky to achieve, especially if there is family change. n

HE PREFERS HIS FRIENDS

My son is almost 15 and wants to hang out with his friends when he is meant to be staying with his dad at the weekend. I don't mind but I'm not sure how he should tell his father, and am worried I'll be blamed for encouraging this when, in fact, it's the opposite.

Your son is simply looking to do what his friends and other boys his age are doing at the weekends. You give the impression that you and your ex-partner have had problems communicating in the past and I would encourage you to work on that. Your son may find it easier to speak to his dad about this if you were there to support him. Just make it clear this is your boy's decision. You may find his dad is already aware of this and will be willing to accommodate a balance between his social and family life. You could try and organise his dad to do some of the dropping off and picking up. Your son may also enjoy hanging out with his friends as well as his dad once in a while, playing football then going for a pizza afterwards.

SHE STAYS OUT LATE

My 16-year-old girl has started to go out in the evenings with her friends and is not too happy with her curfew. There have been lots of arguments and she rarely comes in on time. She says all her friends are allowed to stay out later and she is the only one who has to come in at that time. Her curfew is 10pm on weekdays and 10.30pm at the weekends.

The chances are your daughter is pushing to see what she can get away with and her friends may actually have similar curfews. She may feel you are trying to spoil her fun and will not see it from your point of view. Try to talk things out with her and impress upon her that you are concerned with her welfare but also let her know you understand she wants to be out with her friends. She needs to recognise that you worry if she is not home in time. Try and work out a compromise where she can stay out later on certain occasions. It is important you all listen to each other and respect one another's point of view. This will help pave the way for future issues.

THEY MISS THEIR MUM

My ex-wife died three years ago and we have twin daughters who are 17. They have been doing well but I feel they need some extra support that I, as a man, can't provide. Things between their mum and I were very acrimonious and I suspect the girls have issues with this as well. Have you tried talking to the girls about you and their mum's separation? They could be wary of broaching the subject, and may be relieved if you tackle it first. It's important they can share their memories without worrying about how it will affect you. Is there a female family member they can confide in? It may be worth looking into counselling to help them come to terms with things. Be open, even if sometimes it's difficult. It sounds like you're doing a good job of being their dad.

Contact Relationships Scotland (www.relationships-scotland.org.uk)

• This article was first published in the Scotland on Sunday on January 30, 2011