Karen Koren: How I came to be baring my soles in the south of France

AH, the South of France. I'm here for a few days to soak up the sun and it is really beautiful. Beautiful but expensive, so being the prudent type I've bought baguettes, water and cheese and am now sitting on the beach enjoying one of my favourite pastimes, people watching.

Scanning the beach it's incredible how many girls of all shapes and sizes, wap out their boobs at a moment's notice. There are flat ones, ones that fall off to each side and some that point straight up towards the sky - obviously with some sort of gel in them.

Of course, the only girls who get away with going topless are those under 30 whoboast trim,shapely figures.As for the fat old women with tummies bigger than their boobs(and terrible varicose veins) who stand looking out to sea with their hands on their hips... well they just put you off being here.

I personally keep my tummy and boobs covered at all times. No one is going to have the opportunity of seeing me in a state of undress.

Sitting listening to the French prattle and the kids' screeches, I quickly gave upon trying to concentrate onmy book. Instead I decided on a swim - but the little fish kept nibbling my feet which feels horrible

I don't really want to go into the water now,buthave to just to cool down - the temperature is divine. So I've decided I'll keep my feet moving, that way the fishwon't have time to geta grip of my toes.

After the last dipmy daughter suggested I get on the lilo instead. It was hysterical because I couldn't get my big bulking body onto it. I fell off into the water over and over again and ended up with the top of my bathing suit under my boobs and everyone laughing at me trying to protect my modesty. What was I saying about no-one seeing mein a state of undress?

Having breathed in huge amounts of salt water and noticed everyone staring at me from the beach, Ireturned to dry land where I am now lying on my lounger - a beached whale. So much for me thinking that the older big women look stupid.

While I might be enjoying a break, that doesn't stop the mobile ringing. It's nearly always work.

I've decidedthe best place to work is on the beach. I'm not the only one on holiday, of course. Nearly all my staff are away, one in New York, others in the Highlands and Ireland and one in Hull, of all places.

So, while the sun shines I'm planning things for them to do when they get back - the tours, the London meetings and the social networking.

Talking of which, I'll be back in the UK in the next couple of days, at a showbiz wedding in London - that's why I'm topping up the tan. Who knows who will be there, but one thing for sure is they will be comics, not film stars.

Hopefully comics I like and who are not too into themselves. I'm sure the bride Julia Chamberlain only has lovely comics as friends.Julia has been running So You Think You're Funny? the stand-up comedy competition for me for seven years now, discovering the likes of Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert and John Bishop along the way.

All were finalists. I'm looking forward to seeing who will be there - after all, there's only one better place to people watch than at the beach and that's at a wedding.

Cheers.

Karen Koren is founder and artistic director of comedy venue the Gilded Balloon