John Gibson: Just keep it all fresh says Delia

So what's on the gas, darling? Delia Smith is simmering with: "I don't like food that's over-garnished. What really matters is how fresh everything is. I cook with whatever has come in from the garden this morning."

Yes, my love, but not all of us have a garden. Neither has Michael Winner but he's foaming at the mouth about glorious food and foodies: "Now every twit who thinks he can fry an egg is appearing endlessly on TV and food has suffered because of it.

"British food went downhill after the 1950s, was still good in the 1970s and has since fallen off the edge of a cliff into a sea of of mass suppliers, arrogance and absurdity.''

Don't mince your words, Mr Winner. Delia's with you, reckoning 70s grub was better than today's pretentious stuff.

But not half as pretentious as today's alleged food critics and reviewers, not to mention restaurateurs, their heads stuck up their own orifices.

Like a prayer

Send for Elmer Gantry (Burt Lancaster). The holy word is deep-thinking men of the cloth down there reckon the Church of England has only 20 years life left in it. With elderly worshippers popping their clogs, Anglican leaders are chewing their nails. What of the Church of Scotland? Who's to know? What's for sure up here is that inevitably some ministers in time will mull over benefit cheques every bit as much as the Good Book.

Churches would figure on the property market. Pews would make the news. Bonanza in prospect for estate agents. Pray it doesn't happen.

Afterwords . .

. . . Enough to have you choking on your spagbol. Britain could be stung for 43 billion if the Italian economy cockles. How would that affect the price of a fish supper? Would it take the pizz out of a pizzeria?