Jeremy Watson: 'Information parents should never be privy to'

I know what I think about my daughters. They probably know too. But what do others make of their lives so far, their little idiosyncracies, pecadillos and foibles?

Thanks to one of Daughter No 1's BFFs (Best Friends Forever, of course), I now know.

The occasion was Daughter No 1's 21st birthday party, a glittering, no-expense-spared event held at Chez Watson except for the glitter and the expense, which was sadly lacking. The age of austerity is already claiming its victims, however young and tender.

I hadn't - unusually - prepared a speech but instead gave a very basic Powerpoint presentation on the life of my daughter so far using some old photos and a torch.

One of the necessary cutbacks in expenditure.) There were pictures of her as a bonny baby, a happy toddler dressed in her fairy outfit, a moody primary school leaver and a blossoming teenager.

There were also a few of her asleep on a bus after an exhausting Friday night shift in the drinking dens and clubs of George Street.

It got a few laughs from the assembled guests but not as many as I would have liked. Mainly because I was just the warm-up act for BFF, who strode confidently centre-stage with a typed-up A4 sheet of previously classified information which parents should probably never be privy to.

It was a learning experience. I now know why she came home from school one day and said she wanted to be known as Tina, not Katrina.

Apparently, this was a choice made in Primary 7 after she became besotted with Tina from S Club 7. I now know that in sixth form she was "stripped of her kilt most days in the common room, then thrown into the corridor skirtless" to the point that her form teacher thought she was being bullied.

An impression not helped by the day she was, skirtless, put into a large bin and rolled down the stairs.

Then there were her legendary "adventures with boys". Apparently, she's had a "few chaps on the go" ever since she shed her Sketchers' trainers and fleecy Gap hoodie in favour of kitten heels and mini-skirts.

"Some of her choices have been questionable and have led to fisticuffs" - involving a boy in the room no less.

Still, when it came to total character assassination, I couldn't have done better.

As BFF wrote: "We've seen Tina journey through six years of secondary school, and three and half years of university and she still looks, talks and behaves like a seven-year-old boy."

Happy 21st birthday. May your adventures continue.

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This article was first published in Scotland On Sunday, 23 January, 2011