How technology found new ways to span social divides

GEOGRAPHICALLY and socially, they could not be further apart. As a data systems technician in the 3rd Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment of the US Marine Corps, Sgt Scott Moore has spent the last few months in the troubled Musa Qala district of Helmand province in Afghanistan, while up and coming Hollywood starlet Mila Kunis has been gracing red carpets and the front covers of magazines.

Until recently, the closest any serving soldier would have come to meeting her would have been to hang her picture on his barracks wall.

Yet, a video posted on YouTube has led to Moore securing a date with the Friends With Benefits star. The story of Moore and Kunis's romantic tryst began when Kunis was shown the footage, which featured a shaven-headed Moore asking her out, during an interview with FOX411. Egged on by her co-star Justin Timberlake - who said she should "do it for her country" - she agreed to be his partner for the night. Although such a mismatched pairing is still unusual enough to make the headlines, it is clear technology is revolutionising the way we date.

So technology has brought new ways of spanning social divides - but does it mean we are just one big electronic classless society? And what drawbacks to would-be suitors come with this new society? And bizarrely it appears to have sparked a revival of a more courtly courting reminiscent of Jane Austen. Where once, our chance of meeting and falling in love was dictated by where we lived and worked, Facebook, Twitter and dating apps such as StreetSpark are widening our social circles, allowing us to come into virtual and physical contact with a smorgasbord of people we would never bump into in the course of our daily lives.

Pop stars, including rapper Juelz Santana and, most recently, Jay from The Wanted have admitted dating fans they met on Twitter. And although these one-off assignations may seem to be little more than a contemporary twist on the old star/groupie fling (but without the hassle of having to stand at a stage door screaming) more long-lasting romances are also blossoming online. Last year, Cher told how she met her boyfriend, screenwriter Ron Zimmerman (from whom she's now split), through Facebook after she became intrigued by his "strange personality and profile".

Then there are legion tales of couples who have rekindled old romances (often at the expense of existing ones) after stumbling across one another's profiles on sites such as Friends Reunited.

Technology has made the whole process of meeting potential partners easier; not only do social networking sites such as Facebook make it possible to hook up with a large number of people in far-flung locations, but their profile format - containing likes and dislikes, friends and photos - allows users to glean a great deal of information about the kind of person they are flirting with before they agree to meet in the real world.

Although clearly there is a danger - particularly with the very young - that false Facebook pages may have been set up specifically to lure victims, confining contact to friends of friends (and checking out potential partners with others and on Google) provides a degree of security you wouldn't get hooking up with a stranger in a nightclub.

Twitter, too, provides a great forum for a slow-burn romance, with like minds following each other and retweeting messages likely to be of mutual interest. Across the Atlantic, the phenomenon has given birth to "Flitter parties", where guests wear numbers and tweet about anyone who takes their fancy, the idea being that it is easier to make the first approach through a gadget than face to face.

Blackberries and iPhones add yet another dimension to the dating game; location-based apps, such as StreetSpark and MeetMoi - allow those in search of romance not only to view the profiles of those with similar interests, but find out how far away they are at any given moment. Fancy the boy with the floppy fringe and a passion for surfing? Well, he's at the coffee shop round the corner. You could be flirting with each other over a latte within minutes.

But with such changes come new pitfalls and dilemmas: our constant accessibility makes it more difficult to give people we don't fancy the brush-off. You can't pretend you're been washing your hair/up to your eyes in work/in bed with flu if you're busy tweeting about last night's Take That concert.

And then there are the issues over splitting up; as The Social Network, the film about Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg (who apparently insulted his ex in his blog) demonstrates, many spurned lovers are tempted to vent their acrimony online.

For those whose break-up is less bitter there is the decision over whether or not to defriend. Cutting former lovers off immediately may seem cruel, but the longer you have daily updates on their lives, the harder it may be to get over them; and the harder it is for new partners to believe you're free of the past.

Indeed, sometimes it seems cyber-dating requires a whole new etiquette. Where once people worried about how long to wait before phoning after a date, they are now more likely to fret about how soon it is acceptable to change their relationship status.

So has technology made life easier for singletons looking for love? Or does the sheer range of gadgets at their disposal distract from the simple act of getting to know someone? And does the fact they can meet and dump so many people online leave them - not fulfilled - but with a constant suspicion that there might be someone better out there?

"Dating has changed considerably," says psychologist Cynthia McVey, from Glasgow Caledonian University. "If you go quite far back, couples would meet at social functions through their families, they might meet through church events, through local community events, a village hall dance, then as women were allowed more freedom, they started to go to dances. But nowadays, the disco clientele has got younger and people are waiting longer to settle down. When twenty or thirty-somethings move to a new city for work - and they feel they're too old to go clubbing - then they move with the times and use technological methods of accessing partners."

Any stigma online dating carried in the early days of the internet disappeared as people began to realise the web's potential to create a global meeting place.

By 2007, the internet monitoring firm comScore reported 22 million people a year were visiting dating sites, and there's no means of calculating how many more are getting together through social networking sites.

"I'm struggling to think of a single person in my immediate circle who didn't meet their current partner online, either through Facebook or Twitter or an online dating site," says Fiona 33, who has herself gone out with men she met on the internet. "They are all professional people who don't have a lot of time on their hands, and they've a long-standing, tightknit group of friends, many of whom are beginning to settle down, so they're not really likely to meet new partners any other way."

Far from being an anonymous source of casual sex, the internet can provide a more traditional, meaningful courtship than a drunken encounter in a nightclub.

Indeed, the very fact it is conducted at a safe distance - with both parties negotiating each move to the next level of intimacy - gives it a leisurely, ritualised feel that wouldn't be out of place in a Jane Austen novel.

While half a century ago, young lovers would chart the development of their relationship in the move from first to second "base", today's cyber-winchers might demonstrate their growing commitment by allowing them to direct message or by accepting their friend request.

For Fiona - who met a former partner through Twitter - the journey from first tweet to first date took around six weeks. "Because all the contact happens online, it can be very courtly," she says. "Every time you write an email you have to think about the way you are presenting yourself; you want to come across as interesting and witty. And because you haven't met, every new stage seems important and nerve-wracking, the first private message, the first phone call, the first actual date, it all takes on a significance."

Nor has technology stripped dating of its rituals; there is one dating app which provides potential suitors with chat-up lines and another which links to a florist's shop so they can send a token of their affection.

Texts allow couples to keep in touch during the day, without the embarrassment of a "you hang up", "no, you hang up" moment, while an app called " the bump" enables those with compatible phones to swap personal details or photographs simply by banging them together.

Finally, though creating compilation tapes of favourite tracks for new partners is probably a thing of the past, couples today share the things they love by sending each other links and downloads.

On the downside, there is little doubt technology also aids infidelity, with some dating sites specialising in extra-marital affairs and lawyers claiming Facebook is named in one out of five divorce petitions. Some location-based phone apps have also been criticised for promoting promiscuity, due to the ease with which users can find and meet other singles at any time of the day. The advantage of being introduced to someone who lives round the corner as opposed to the other side of the country is obvious. But a recent survey of over 1,500 social networking users who own geolocation-ready mobile devices, 55 per cent were worried about the loss of privacy that comes with the use of apps which broadcast the user's whereabouts. Other critics feel the immediacy with which information can be provided and acted upon might encourage people who are feeling a bit low to engage in sexual encounters they don't really want.

Back in his bunker in Afghanistan, Sgt Moore has no such doubts about his choice of date for the marine corps ball. "It's going to be a great experience to meet her and it's going to make the ball more special for everyone," he said, on learning he'd scored.

His success inspired Corporal Kelsey De Santis, the only female serving at the Martial Arts Centre for Excellence at Marine Corps Base in Quantico, Virginia, to post a video asking Timberlake to be her date.

"I saw that, I don't feel backed into a corner at all," Timberlake joked when asked about the invite. "I accept and not because she had all those beefcake marines behind her to intimidate me," he added, though he did say it would depend on his schedule. These soldiers' audacious date requests are unlikely to become a trend, but with more dating-related apps appearing every week, people are likely to continue finding love online.

Despite its disadvantages, it seems that technology can provide a sense of belonging in a world which has been stripped of its traditional communities.

"If people are feeling isolated now, they don't need to tell their friends, ‘I'm lonely, I'd like to find a boyfriend or girlfriend,' they don't have to go out on a blind date, and have everyone asking them how it went," says McVey. "They can have a wee exploration on the internet, they can start communicating through e-mail, look at prospective partner's photos, get a feel for them - and, if they're lucky - they can strike up a good relationship."