Paul Whitelaw's guide to the best Christmas TV

Call the Midwife Christmas Special PIC: BBC / Gareth Gatrell / Nealstreet Productions

Lord knows we could all do with something to divert our attention from the outside world this Christmas. Here, I hope, is a forensically compiled list of festive TV highlights, guaranteed to lift your spirits in these thoroughly rotten times. That’s the idea anyway.

We begin with The Goes Wrong Show: The Nativity (Tuesday, BBC One, 7pm), in which the ever-popular Mischief Theatre company present a typically chaotic version of the little baby Jesus’ origin story. As always, it’s a family-friendly bauble of silliness. Nowt to frighten the donkeys here.

In Being Bridget Jones (Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm), author Helen Fielding celebrates the 25th anniversary of her endearing and enduring creation. She opens up about the semi-autobiographical nature of Bridget’s story, and examines the ways in which that character reflects changing attitudes towards women.

Worzel Gummidge PIC: BBC / Amanda Searle / Leopard Pictures

The surprise sleeper hit of 2020, All Creatures Great and Small (Tuesday, Channel 5, 9pm) returns with a cockle-warming Christmas special. Many viewers, myself included, were initially sceptical about this revival – the BBC’s adaptation was rightfully beloved – but our mild fears were unfounded. It’s a lovely thing.

As is The Magical World of Julia Donaldson (Wednesday, BBC Two, 7:30pm), an uplifting profile of the best-selling author of The Gruffalo and other children’s favourites. She’s an utterly splendid person who has overcome personal tragedy and brought pleasure to millions. A force for good in a cruel and cynical world.

Another family favourite, Ghosts (Wednesday, BBC One, 8:30pm) has been a well-deserved hit for the brilliant Horrible Histories team. In this, the sitcom’s first Christmas special, we find out more about the corporeal life of dodgy MP Julian. In typical Ghosts style, the results are touching but never mawkish. These people know what they’re doing.

The BBC’s flagship topical news quiz should’ve been put out to pasture years ago, it’s a toothless shadow of its former self, but Have I Got 30 Years for You (Wednesday, BBC One, 10:15pm) should be worth watching if only to remind ourselves of when it was essential television. Ian Hislop and Paul Merton presumably won’t mention the fact that it’s never been the same since Angus Deayton was sacked.

Now this is more like it. Dolly Parton’s Christmas Concert (Wednesday, BBC One, 11:15pm) finds the delightful queen of country performing songs from her new album, A Holly Dolly Christmas. Meanwhile, in Jennifer Saunders’ Memory Lane (Wednesday, STV, 9pm), the comedian drives around Port Talbot in the company of its proud adopted son, Michael Sheen. A fairly pleasant diversion.

Mackenzie Crook’s charming adaptation of Worzel Gummidge (Christmas Eve, BBC One, 5:55pm) was one of last year’s Christmas highlights, so hopes are high for this one-off special in which he reunites with his old pal Saucy Nancy (Shirley Henderson). The episode also boasts a guest appearance from Vanessa Redgrave.

I have become slightly obsessed with The Wall, that riveting high-concept gameshow in which Danny Dyer hosts with all the enthusiasm of a man who has just been awoken from a severely hungover nightmare. In The Wall Versus Celebrities (Christmas Eve, BBC One, 6:55pm), he blearily welcomes Stacey Dooley and Craig Revel Horwood as they attempt to win big for their chosen charities.

There is no sign, alas, of the great Bob Mortimer in Would I Lie to You at Christmas? (Christmas Eve, BBC One, 7:45pm), but it’s still the funniest TV panel show by far. And you may find traces of mirth in Cinderella: A Comic Relief Pantomime for Christmas (Christmas Eve, BBC Two, 8:15pm), a fundraising gala starring the likes of Helena Bonham Carter, Olivia Colman and Guz Khan.

Christmas just wouldn’t be the same without Call the Midwife (Christmas Day, BBC One, 7:40pm), which managed to deliver this year’s special under socially-distanced conditions. Very special guest-star Peter Davison adds to the usual 12 tog blanket of snowy pathos. You know the benign Midwife drill, prepare to weep and count your blessings.

Helena Bonham Carter makes another festive visitation in Quentin Blake’s Clown (Christmas Day, Channel 4, 7:40pm), an animated adaptation of the much-loved writer/illustrator’s popular book for children.

Finally, in Victoria Wood: The Secret List (Christmas Day, BBC Two, 9:10pm), we’re treated to a compilation of sketches chosen by the late comedian herself. Wood felt that these selections from her classic BBC series, Victoria Wood as Seen on TV, represented some of her finest work. I’m not about to argue, she was a comic deity.

And that, folks, is that. Merry Christmas, take care of yourselves, and let’s hopefully meet up again for more TV flimflam next December. The Twiglets are on me (within reason).

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