Comic Mark Nelson on why Brexit is divisive subject for Edinburgh Fringe show

At the start of the show I am currently previewing for the Edinburgh Festival, I ask the audience what one word they would use to sum up the current state of the UK. As you can imagine, the majority of answers I get back are not fit to be published in a national newspaper. Well, maybe the Daily Star.
Comedian Mark NelsonComedian Mark Nelson
Comedian Mark Nelson

What every answer does have in common is how negative, exasperated and frankly bored the general public are about the current mess we find ourselves in.

Brexit has caused a polarisation the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Oasis and Blur fought it out in the 90s. Many people say to me, “Oh all this must be great for you comedians, material is practically writing itself eh?” And honestly, nothing could be further from the truth. One of two things will happen when you mention Brexit onstage now. Either you will be bowled over by a tsunami of apathy. The audience react as if you have just informed them you are going to spend the next 20 minutes telling them about your favourite tumble dryers. Or you will immediately anger someone with the complexion of a baboon’s backside, determined to get a pre-emptive strike on the perceived lefty comedian. This strike will always contain the word sovereignty.

If I am honest, I understand both sides. We are getting sick of politics and its daily changing state. Every time I switch on the news it is so confusing that I wish there was a gruff American growling, “PREVIOUSLY ON THE NEWS.” The public feel disconnected from the goings on at Westminster. There is a scene in the film Clash Of The Titans where the Gods move people around like small chess pieces. That is what it feels like now. The public feel like we are insignificant characters in a parlour game played by people who spent more on their education than we did on our house. Politicians don’t feel like the kind of people we are anymore. You would never go for a pint with Michael Gove. You’ll never bump into Jeremy Hunt hanging around a chiller in the supermarket waiting for the reduced-price stickers to go on. Who honestly looks at Jacob Rees Mogg and thinks that is a man who speaks my language? “That fella who tweets in Latin and looks like he goes to work on a penny farthing, he is the man for me”.

Nobody knows where we go from here. Some people say we should forget about Brexit. Both the UK and Europe suddenly developing amnesia and forgetting everything that was said. That is not realistic though. I have had those conversations with my wife where we have been arguing for days about who didn’t take out the bins. Yeah you may agree to draw a line under it, never mention it again but wait until three months down the line, when all that is dragged up again as ammo in another argument.

Others would prefer us to leave without a deal, which is just madness. Every report suggests Britain would be worse off without a deal. Even those advocating No Deal admit it would leave the country in a worse financial state. Jacob Rees Mogg himself said the benefits might not be felt for 50 years. Who the hell wants to wait that long for the good times to roll around? Nobody born just now wants 
to feel the good times in their 50s or later. People will shout that it is worth it, so Britain gets its sovereignty back. We are ruled by Europe. Ah yes that iron fist rule Europe has over us which means we are one of the only countries not to have adopted the euro. They really do tell us what to do don’t they? We don’t even drive on the same side of the road for Christ’s sake.

Finally, there is the hugely popular option of another vote but I don’t think I could stand it. I used to love the voting process but in the past four years I have visited a polling station more than I have my parents. I’ve been in our local primary school so often I now have my name above a coat hook.

Of course, Scottish people have their own unique horse in this long and arduous race. We were the only country in the UK to vote as a collective to remain in the EU. Is it fair that we have to leave? This has given rise to the question of Scottish Independence again. Opponents say that it is ridiculous to suggest and that the SNP promised another vote wouldn’t happen for another generation. Although due to poverty brought on by austerity, in certain areas of Scotland six to eight years would be considered a generation. It puts the SNP in that strange position of fighting against one Union being broken up whilst arguing in favour of another. Kind of like being against The Spice Girls getting back together because you really love Geri’s solo stuff.

Our latest Prime Minister could have a huge say in all of this. Some of Boris Johnson’s advisors claimed he is actually well liked north of the Border. Trust me lads, Bojo is about as welcome up here as a 1966 World Cup Final re-enactment. There are great fears that Johnson as Prime Minister will be a catastrophe and mean the death of the Union. I would go further and say that Johnson as PM and Trump as President could mean the death of us all, as Boris one day accidentally sits on the nuclear button whilst looking for his hat.

Whatever happens next, I just hope it doesn’t happen before the end of August. Or I’ll have to re-write this bloody show again.

Mark Nelson’s Brexit Wounds is at The Gilded Balloon – Teviot on Bristo Place, Edinburgh until 25 August at 8pm. For tickets 
go to www.edfringe.com