'Dad will die young if he keeps drinking'

Alcohol takes its toll on family life, with children often bearing the brunt of the fall-out. Picture posed by models

Every day he lives with the reality his alcoholism could kill him, yet despite repeated pleas for him to sober up, there is nothing the teenager can do but watch.

It is a lot for the 15-year-old to take, especially when his dad's addiction has already torn apart his family, leaving his mum, himself and his older siblings to pick up the pieces.

James explains: "I still love him though, he's my dad, but there have been lots of times when he has let me down, lots of times when I have gone to meet him and he has been drunk."

James, who lives in the Capital with his mum, is not alone. An estimated 80,000 youngsters have alcoholic parents in Scotland, prompting the Edinburgh-based CHILDREN 1st charity to call on the Scottish Government this month to take more action.

The group fears that if alcohol misuse is not properly tackled, with more information given to adults early on in pregnancy, not only will more children have to cope with the devastation the addiction can bring, but many could grow up to follow in their parents' footsteps, believing alcohol abuse is an accepted norm.

It is unlikely this will happen to James though, whose confident, articulate manner sets him out far older than his 15 years.

He says his dad's addiction forced him to grow up fast, to accept what life threw at him and find his own way of coping with the problem, without letting it ruin his childhood.

While some of his friends are desperate to soon break the rules and start drinking alcohol, he is quite happy to wait, not ruling out having drink in his life altogether when he is older, but only ever in moderation.

"Looking back, I now know the signs of my dad's addiction were there," he says.

"Quite often when I would be at his house and he would be drunk, but I wouldn't think anything of that. Sometimes he would just sleep.

"I was lucky though because my mum was perfectly fine and has always been there for me.

"It would have been a very different story for me if she had not coped so well. She has always made sure I was safe.

"If I ever got to his house and he was drunk, I would call her and she would come straight round for me."

He adds: "He even encouraged that, and I knew he would never hurt me. I know it is not always the same for children who have two alcoholic parents."

James' dad is in his early 50s and has battled an alcohol problem for many years, eventually separating from his wife when his son was just four, moving out to live by himself.

The problem led to James' older siblings leaving home as soon as they could, unable to live with the addiction and its unpleasant consequences.

James says his dad denies he has a drink problem, but is happy to admit that traumas in his early life prompt him to find some comfort in alcohol.

"I always knew there was something wrong when my dad moved out," explains James. "After that, I used to get supervised visits with him, which I can remember one or two of. I just thought the other person in the room was one of my dad's friends though, which I suppose was ok.

"When I was seven I learned more about what was going on from my mum, but not everything. I was so young.

"I don't mind talking about this now. I used to think I was the only one going through it, but after speaking to more people, and my mum, I've found out it's not that out of the ordinary.

"I have been told my dad's life will be shortened because of alcohol, but he tells me he has been to a doctor and his health is fine.

"I don't know that, and even if that is the case now, in ten years, it may not be. It's not that I want him to stop drinking altogether, I just want him to do it in moderation. Maybe one day, when I am older, we could even go out for a drink together."

As things stand, James rarely goes out in public with his dad.

Meetings are arranged around the teenager's school commitments, his social time with his friends and, often the most difficult factor to pencil in, whether his dad is drunk or not.

There have been times in the past, as recently as two years' ago, when his dad's alcoholism meant they did not see each other for a year.

"It was weird because although I wanted to see him, I told myself that he had let me down and that I was not going to put up with it. Sometimes it was always on my mind, other times I could forget about," says James.

"Now we do have a great time when we are together and over the last year he really has improved.

"I tend to go round to his house to catch up, we have a meal or sometimes go to the cinema. He always has things organised and he is really enthusiastic about my school work. He really wants to see me and he always lets me know that.

"I don't really like going out with him though, it's embarrassing. He's put on a lot of weight and his skin is really bad. He looks far older than he is."

To help children like James, Children 1st wants the Scottish Government to do everything it can to make being drunk in charge of a child as unacceptable as being drunk in charge of a vehicle.

"Scotland's problem with alcohol is negatively impacting far too many of our children," says Alison Todd, the charity's director of children and family services.

"Despite this, we know many parents receive little or no information and advice about how their alcohol consumption can affect their children. Providing the right advice and help for parents before their child is born or whilst their child is still young, could have a major influence on changing their drinking habits. CHILDREN 1st is asking the Government to look at ways of delivering this."

James is lucky to have had a stable home life through the support and consistency of his mum, as well as much-needed help from his older siblings outwith the family home.

This week he is revising hard at home for his prelim exams next month, dreaming of eventually getting the grades to go on to university.

Having been given the chance in his childhood to talk about his dad being an alcoholic, to speak to him in counselling sessions about the addiction, and to write letters to him asking him to stop, he advises any child in his situation to do the same.

He says: "Talk to someone about how you are feeling. It really does help."

His advice to the adults?

"Choose the alcohol or choose your child. I know it's hard because it is an addiction, but it can be beaten.

"Please make sure your child knows they are more important to you than alcohol."

*His name has been changed to protect his identity.

Impact on children

Children living with the daily impact of parental alcohol misuse can be affected emotionally and physically, with their wellbeing, safety and development put at risk.

Youngsters of parents who misuse substances make up a significant proportion of those placed on the child protection register for abuse or neglect.

More than half of all mothers drink alcohol while pregnant, according to the Department of Health.

A Childwise survey this year of 1,234 children found half of them thought they had seen their parents drunk. Eight in 10 children who had seen adults drinking said they noticed a change in the way they behaved, with a fifth saying they became angry and aggressive.

A further 19 per cent said their parents acted strange, or different, when drunk and three in 10 children said they felt scared when adults were drinking.

The estimated social care and Children's Hearing System costs directly attributed to alcohol in 2007/08 were between 114.2 million and 346.8m.

The majority of children who talk to ChildLine in Scotland about physical abuse talk about the violence happening when the parent is drunk or has been drinking. ChildLine also estimates alcohol plays a part in 15-30 per cent of cases of child abuse and neglect.

The charity CHILDREN 1st wants policy action on price and availability of alcohol to help change Scotland's drinking culture.

It believes that a "Family Group Conference" should be offered to every child affected by parental alcohol misuse who is at risk of going into public care.

It also says that the Scottish Government should introduce a social marketing campaign, together with support and information, to encourage parents to consider the impact of their drinking upon children.