Cancer 'will always be a part of me'

She barely left the Western General for a year as she underwent gruelling chemotherapy and radiotherapy, before eventually going into remission and returning home. Two years later, the leukaemia was back.

Suddenly she stops. Her mind has gone blank. "I have just completely forgotten what I was going to say to you. That happens quite a lot," she says.

Today the Heriot-Watt psychology student is free from cancer, having had a bone marrow transplant in 2005 which has so far proved successful. Yet while Pamela is approaching her five-year milestone in remission, she will always bear the legacy of her illness.

"A lot of people think you leave hospital and everything is fine," she smiles. "But it is not like that." Instead Pamela now has major problems with memory and concentration – just two side effects of the treatment she endured.

"Of course it's wonderful to be well again, but there are things which you are left to deal with which no-one ever really talks about," says Pamela. "For one, I have had to receive help with my studies at university because my memory is so impaired because of the cancer treatment.

"When I first started I went to Student Support with my nurse specialist to tell them about my treatment and the side effects. I also had a letter from my consultant to confirm I had memory and concentration problems. So I have been given extra time in exams from the start, and Student Support basically just asked me what I thought I would need and helped get it. Some lectures can be three hours, and after a couple of minutes I find it hard to focus, so they got me a recording device so I could listen to the lectures whenever I needed to.

"I also had an assessment from an educational psychologist to prove my difficulties were worse this year, my last year, so arrangements were made for me to have specialist computer software. After all, I can read a sentence, get to the end, and forget how it started. Or when highlighting important things in a paper I find I've highlighted the whole page. The computer software put an end to that."

The exams are in August and after graduation in November her dreams of becoming a counsellor could become a reality. One dream, though, might never come true for Pamela.

"When you're little you have this whole dream of the white dress wedding and children – it's imprinted on your gender – but I don't know now if that will ever happen," she says. "When I was ill at first, I was so bad that they had to start treatment straight away. There was no time for thinking about my fertility then – and I was only a teenager, I hadn't thought about it myself. Harvesting eggs involves a course of fertility treatment and there was no time for that.

"When I became ill a second time and had the transplant, I had to get full-body radiation, and that's what could have affected my fertility. I have had a test done, but no results yet.

"I will leave university soon, get a job and perhaps meet someone, so it's something I need to know so I can tell them. I am open to other options about children, though."

She adds: "I hadn't even reached adulthood and I had the option of children yanked away. It is a devastating thought but it's something else I just have to deal with."

Despite it all, given the chance to turn back time, Pamela says she wouldn't. "Having cancer has changed me for the better in many ways. I have more focus in what I want to do in life, and try not to let the 'little things' bother me so much, knowing there are much worse things out there – cancer being one of them I've managed to overcome."

"The doctors can never really give her the all-clear," Pamela's mum Adele, 52, chips in. "Pamela is naturally upbeat, which means she doesn't always talk about the worst parts. I remember everything, though."

Pamela was a regular 16-year-old, who had just finished her Standard Grades at Currie High School and was preparing to choose her Highers. But after months of constantly feeling tired and losing her appetite, tests were done and a diagnosis of acute lymphoblastic leukaemia was made – a form of the condition which affects the white blood cells.

It meant months of hospital stays – with Adele on a camp bed in Pamela's bedroom at the Western General, not knowing what to say when Pamela asked if she thought she was going to die. Their final hospital stay was in July 2005 in Glasgow's Royal Infirmary as Pamela received her bone marrow transplant.

Having been enjoying her first year at university, she was dealt a heavy blow when routine blood checks revealed her cancer had returned.

"They said she needed a bone marrow transplant and she asked, 'do I have a chance?' I think she would have said no to it if the doctor hadn't said yes," Adele says.

It was back to square one for Pamela, beginning chemotherapy again, losing her hair again, and being separated from her friends and family again, including her dad Malcolm, 54, and brother Mikey, 30.

But when an anonymous man from England who was on the Anthony Nolan bone marrow transplant list was pinpointed as a match for Pamela, she was given her final chance of beating cancer for good.

"Maybe that is why I cannot do two things at once now." she laughs. "Because my bone marrow came from a man. My memory is so bad that I can put my mobile phone down and it takes a couple of hours for me to remember where, or if I'm given a lift home I forget the right turn off to the house – even though I've lived here all my life."

Today, dressed in a bright pink Race for Life T-shirt, she and Adele laugh as they discuss next month's Cancer Research event – one they are going to do together to help people like them, whose lives have been blighted by the condition.

"I think we may end up walking the route," Adele smiles. "But we're keen to raise as much money as we can."

Race for Life takes place in Holyrood Park, on 13 June, at 11am. Visit www.raceforlife.org for more information.

THE PICTURE FOR SURVIVORS IS LOOKING BRIGHTER EVERY YEAR

CANCER specialists admit that because survivors of childhood cancers have received intensive treatments to cure their conditions, there can be long-term side effects.

Cancer Research UK is the single largest funder of research into children's cancer, backing the British Childhood Cancer Survivors Study, which has helped inform doctors about problems patients could experience in later life and how they can be avoided or tackled more effectively.

Dr Lesley Walker, the charity's director of cancer information, said: "Thankfully, in the majority of cases, survivors of childhood cancer go on to lead perfectly normal lives.

"They have received intensive treatments, some of which could lead to long-term side effects. But because of improvements in treatments there are now more than 26,000 childhood cancer survivors in the UK so it's crucial they continue to receive the appropriate support and care to help with the effects that curative treatments can sometimes bring.

"Doctors are continually working to improve treatments for childhood cancer and minimise side effects. Cancer Research UK has made great progress in this area and will continue to fund research to cure more children with cancer and reduce the risk of any potential side effects."