Interview: Louise Welsh, author

Robert Louis Stevenson, E Nesbit, Brendan Behan, Jean Rhys, William Burroughs and Muriel Spark. I'd distribute a selection of takeaway menus and let them order.

Who did you last text?

My nephew about guitar lessons he'd like to take. It said: "On condition you teach me some fancy finger-work."

It's not cool but...

Skipping work to sit in a dark cinema in the afternoon is a rare pleasure.

What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given? Clunk click every trip.

What's the worst job you ever had? Working on the meat counter in Littlewoods. The mince got everywhere.

Who is your favourite fictional character? I've always had a soft spot for John Milton's Satan in Paradise Lost.

What are you afraid of?

Tories.

Did you have a nickname growing up?

My dyslexic family used to call me Lousie.

What situations make you lose your temper?

A burglar broke into my flat last week when I was at home – that annoyed me, though maybe not as much as it would have done if I'd been out.

What would your alternate profession be?

Managing a small Art Deco cinema.

What food or drink is always in your fridge?

Home-grown penicillin.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

I'd add a dash of immortality.

If you could travel back in time, where would you go? To the erection of the Callanish Stones on Lewis (around 2900-2600BC). Then I'd like to return to 21st century medicine, dentistry and central heating.

Saturday night or Sunday morning? Saturday night, Sunday afternoon.

Who or what is the love of your life? Zoe Strachan and reading, sometimes at the same time.

Welsh has written Memory Cells, which can be seen at The Pleasance, Edinburgh, until 30 August, 5:20pm daily. Tickets from 10 (www.edfringe.com)