As proposals to landscape neglected baby burial ground emerge, mums tell of heartache

THE debris of grief litters the baby burial grounds in Mortonhall Crematorium's Rose Garden. The roses are long gone, dead from a blight, and while many of the graves – however artfully packed with mementoes placed by stricken families – are cared for, many others lie apparently forgotten.

The result is that a once beautiful garden of reflection, the final resting spot for hundreds of tots, has turned from a place of peace and respect into a conflict zone of gaudy emotion and utter neglect.

Now Sands Lothian – the Stillbirth and Neo-natal Death Society – has launched a scheme to make the place more visually peaceful for bereaved parents to visit again.

Edinburgh City Council, which owns the cemetery, has agreed and is investing 2,580 to landscape the oldest section of ground, where about 100 babies who died in the early 1980s are buried.

Both Sands and the council accept that any changes will be emotionally controversial.

Dorothy Maitland, the charity's operations manager, says: "We have been looking at improving the memorial garden because of complaints from parents about the state of the place.

"There are already council regulations about what can be left at the graves, but understandably because parents are so upset about the loss of a baby, a blind eye has been turned so that now the area is looking very tatty and a mish mash. The groundsmen at the cemetery feel they can't touch anything in case it upsets a family.

"But something has to change. It's got to the stage that parents are considering cremation rather than burial. It used to be a beautiful garden where people could find peace, and we want to try and return to that.

"We do know that there will be many parents who will be unhappy with any changes, but we believe that, for the good of all parents, regulations have to be adhered to so that it becomes a beautiful memorial to babies again."

George Bell, the council's bereavement and public health manager, is aware of the sensitivity surrounding the issue.

He says: "We don't want to upset parents by being hard-hearted about the regulations. We are starting with the oldest burial site, and we have worked closely with Sands to ensure we take the views of parents into account, although given the age of the graves we don't have the details for many of them.

"Unfortunately, the roses died of 'rose sickness' and to combat that we would have to dig out the soil quite deeply. We don't want anyone to think the graves are going to be disturbed, so instead we've gone for a more hard landscaping option which means we won't have to dig much at all."

He adds: "Dealing with bereaved parents is very difficult, and the groundstaff can sometimes be faced with angry parents – and, yes, the police have sometimes been called when something's been removed – but we know it's because they're angry about being bereaved rather than at our staff directly.

"I want to reassure parents that after this first work is done, nothing else will be changed until there's full consultation."

But Sands is hoping for more change. Dorothy says: "We are delighted that the council agreed to fund the change as we thought we would have to fundraise. We are also delighted with the design that the landscape architect Grazyna Portal has come up with, and we hope this will just be the start.

"We also hope that as work moves closer to the more recent graves, bereaved parents will have had time to come to terms with the changes and welcome them."

For now, however, parents' views differ . . .

JACQUI IRVINE

IT'S been 19 years since Jacqui buried her first child, Yuill, at the Rose Garden. He died of a heart attack on 23 July, 1991, just a day after being born at the Eastern General hospital.

"Everything seemed fine but that first night he became unwell. The doctors thought it was something to do with his heart, but the symptoms were confusing and he had a heart attack and they couldn't revive him," explains the 49-year-old. "The post-mortem showed he had a twist in his bowel and that was putting too much pressure on his system."

She lifts her head and gazes at the baby burial ground. "And now he's buried in amongst all this," she gestures angrily. "The parents of the baby buried next to him have put a fence over his grave and I'm not allowed to move it. I have got to let it just sit there on his grave and get on with it.

"I can barely bring myself to come here now. I have to turn my back to all this and not engage with it."

The mature art student – who went on to have two other sons – gestures at what she calls the "trash" left by other parents at their babies' graves. "I understand why they want to do it, but it's not appropriate in my view," she adds.

"Keep the teddies and ornaments at home, spend the money on something which might help other children . . . give it to charity, rather than buying ridiculous ornaments. In what way is a moss-covered soft toy, or one crawling with spiders, a fitting memorial to a baby?

"I've been thinking of exhuming him and having him cremated just to get him out of this place. I've spoken to my ex-husband about it and we still might do it if this is all allowed to continue.

"When Yuill died, the hospital chaplain, Stuart McGregor, told us of the Rose Garden. It was beautiful when the roses were all in bloom. They planted a new variety each year. When Yuill died it was the Silver Jubilee rose, a lovely peachy colour.

"Because I live quite near in Buckstone, I used to come a lot because I got such peace being here, but now, because of the way it's been allowed to change, I only come at the anniversary and at Christmas.

"The roses died, that couldn't be helped, but all this trash can be. It makes it so hard to come here."

GAYNOR GOODWIN

SUPPORT worker Gaynor, 33, from Granton, is more reticent about the changes to the garden. Her daughter, Skye, who was stillborn, is buried here – and she is likely to be her only child.

Gaynor, like her older sister, Alison, suffers from a rare genetic disorder which means any child she conceives will be missing two vital chromosomes – making it impossible for the baby to survive. "I've got my own daughter, two nephews and a niece buried here," she says. "My sister has had three stillborn children and now my Skye is here, too.

"I always knew she wasn't going to survive, she had development problems with her brain and I had to terminate the pregnancy at 19-and-a-half weeks. I went through the labour, though, because I knew it would probably be the only time I would go through that.

"Her skin wasn't properly developed so it was like she was wrapped in cling film and I wasn't even allowed to hold her hand as her bones would just have broken. My mum took photos, though, so I've got them and I've got the grave. I come here every week."

Skye died on 22 December, 2007 and was buried in Mortonhall in January 2008. Like many of the more recent burials, her grave is marked out with a small fence, stones and a few special ornaments. But on one side is a completely bare, muddy grave, while the other side is a grave packed with teddies and trinkets.

"I am torn about the changes," Gaynor admits. "They won't affect Skye's grave just now, but they will my niece's grave. And I know that eventually Skye's grave will have to change. I've gone against regulations by putting a fence round her grave, but I keep it tidy, I don't let it get overgrown. If the ornaments are broken, I take them home and put them in her memory box.

"I think her grave is lovely, but I suppose that's what everyone else must think of their baby's. But when I do look at them altogether, it is a bit of a mess. It's hard, though, to tell someone how their baby's grave should look.

"The thing is, you just don't want your baby to be forgotten. To me, having this grave means that she was here and she meant something.

"But I trust Sands. They have helped me so much. If they believe having the place landscaped so it all looks beautiful is the right thing to do, then it probably is."

Sands Lothian provides support and help for parents who have experienced the death of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or soon after birth. For details, go to www.sands-lothians.org.uk or call 0131-622 6263/4