Are you a... comeback kid?

1. Your relationship has taken a turn for the worse. Do you?

A) Bag a shiny new management company in a last ditch attempt to turn your life around. They force you to sign a legal document agreeing to stay away from your ex and the drugs he introduced you to, but if it means a chance to get the cash rolling in after your recent bankruptcy who are you to complain?

B) Take up with a new man half your age. Youth is everything darlings, and a new Peter Pan image could be just what you need to get over the split.

C) Stick like glue to his side. You've been spending a lot of time away from home recently recreating yourself as a fashionista but while the cat's away, the mice will play, and you aren't about to let this one go.

2. Your skinny frame has been attracting attention. How do you react?

A) Once upon a time, you were known for you penchant for kebabs and prawn rings. Since your makeover it's all sushi and protein shakes. Still, if you're going to be walking down red carpets next to the likes of Jennifer Lopez you've got to look the part.

B) By flexing your protruding muscles and bulging veins for the paparazzi. They call it super skinny, you call it strong. At least you aren't the chubby girl with the bad peroxide perm anymore.

C) You have the body dimensions of a seven-year-old child. But you can't help but feel your transformation into fashion guru would be a whole lot smoother if your physique was being compared to that of a five year old's. Just think of the outfits you could fit into.

3. Your parenting skills have been criticised. How do you respond?

A) Admitting to sitting in bed taking cocaine with your mutt of a husband (while the kids were downstairs) doesn't quite match up to your Mum of The Year title, but you've kicked the habit now.

B) Head off to Africa to adopt another baby. Now you're a humanitarian too. Pity your ex didn't see it that way, but the media will surely love you, won't they?

C) Maybe you shouldn't parade your kids in front of the papparazzi so much, but my, how they've helped your street cred.

Mostly A's - Is Kerry Katona your twin?

Mostly B's - Madonna is your guru.

Mostly C's - Victoria Beckham would be most impressed.

This article was first published in Scotland on Sunday on 23 May.